The Very Rev Michael Weeder. Picture: Phando Jikelo/African News Agency(ANA)
The Very Rev Michael Weeder. Picture: Phando Jikelo/African News Agency(ANA)

Aniseed and dried naartjie peel came to mind in the queue on voting day

By Staff Reporter Time of article published May 11, 2019

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The world changed so wonderfully while I was waiting in line to vote on Wednesday.

For some reason, maybe because of the pwasa, my thoughts were on bollas and koesiestas. I learnt the difference between the two at last year’s Koesiesta Cook-off at the Church of Resurrection in Bonteheuwel. One of the judges, Aunty Koelsoem Kamalie, had squeezed a deep-fried offering on our testing plate and pronounced, “Diesa bolla en nie ’n koesiesta nie!”

Father Shaun, the organiser of the event, had woken up one morning with the thought, “Who in Bonteheuwel makes the best koesiesta?” This culinary conundrum informed my electoral choice and I marked the spot next to the fellow who I believed best represented the will of God for our republic. His party might be a bolla posing as something else but I am sure that my choice made God smile, as I do when I taste the aniseed and dried naartjie peel in a koesiesta.

I walked away from the polling station unaware of the changes emerging around Baby Sussex. When I first heard the news, the boy was still unnamed. Stanley, my father’s name, was apparently popular with Harry. The new dad, Baby Sussex in his arms, would groove to Hugh Masekela’s Thanayi (Los daai ding), shouting, “Au, Stan da Maan, black man in da house. Isn’t that just to die for?”

Beloved, who do you know who says, “To die for”? I am telling you, our brother knows where his placenta lies buried. Also, just have a look at a photo where the bratjie leans to the left, checking his mums-in-law with an “Aweh, what kine?”, smile on his face. Cuzzin Meggs is well disposed towards the name Songololo after I sent her a YouTube clip of my goema beat version of Baby Shark. (Songololo on account of the wiggly moves I effect as the drumbeat intensifies.)

Father Shaun raises a concern: “Imagine godmother Kate, saying, ‘I present Songololo to be baptised.’” To that end, I gave pronunciation lessons via Skype. Kate sounds a bit put out when she says, “Songo-lah-lo-lah-olololo-lolololo...”

Unfortunately, I learnt via diplomatic post, that there is a concern that I may be of Khoisan royal lineage. There is a disputed claim to so-called “Crown land” from Soetwater up to Saldanha Bay, the original Camissa territory. An invitation to attend the baptism could be considered an infringement of protocol. This is a bit of a stunner as hitherto secret sources suggest that my royal lineage is actually via Harry Die Rooi Kop. The enervating burden that I now have to bear is that I, The Dean of Camissa, am not a... Pure Coloured.

It appears that I might be royal on both sides of the Harry line. Just to remind you, Autshumato used the title Harry de Strandloper when he went on tour. He spent time in England in the 17th century.

There had been speculation about a name for the new-born royal. Daphne King declared that the boy should be called Hargan: “A combination of Harry and Megan in the tradition of name combinations of the Cape Flats.” But, as you know, it’s Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor. The Arch of Sussex. I must confess that I didn’t see this coming. I understand though that baby Archie has been named after our beloved Arch, Desmond Tutu.

Beloved, on behalf of all the peoples of Mzantsi, I wish our sista, Doria Ragland, our heartfelt and proud congratulations. May she and all mothers have a wonderful Mother’s Day.

* The Very Rev Michael Weeder is the Dean of St George’s Cathedral in Cape Town.

** The views expressed here are not necessarily those of Independent Media.

Weekend Argus

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