WATCH: Author faced many trials to forge his path as a man

Cape Town resident and author of Becoming Him: A Trans Memoir of Triumph, Landa Mabenge, launched his book at The Book Lounge this week. Picture: NOLOYISO MTEMBU

Cape Town resident and author of Becoming Him: A Trans Memoir of Triumph, Landa Mabenge, launched his book at The Book Lounge this week. Picture: NOLOYISO MTEMBU

Published Aug 4, 2018

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Cape Town - Young people might joke about counting down the days to when they leave their parents’ home and become independent, but for Yolanda Mabenge it was the only motivation that kept the hope alive of living a life free of cruelty and abuse.

From the age of 11, Mabenge kept a countdown of the number of days left before the first day of university.

She kept sane by crossing out each passing day, bringing her closer to escaping her parents, who treated her worse than a servant.

Mabenge was born a girl. Today, at the age of 37, he identifies as a transgender man. His body looked like a girl’s, but he was not fascinated by dolls and did not like wearing dresses and skirts.

The matric farewell is an important milestone in any teenager’s life, but for @landabengz the event was a painful disaster, one of many disappointments he suffered at the hands of his parents. More about his life in his new book #BecomingHim and in @WeekendArgus on Saturday. pic.twitter.com/Xzs2xADj8Y

— Noloyiso Mtembu (@NoloyisoMtembu) August 3, 2018

He said he had known he was a boy and that, one day, her body would transform itself into a boy’s body.

He poured his experiences into his book, Becoming Him: A Trans Memoir of Triumph, launched at The Book Lounge in Cape Town this week.

It is the first in a series of books that will cover various aspects of his life, he said.

However, some details of the abuse Mabenge endured as a child are difficult to read.

He had enjoyed a warm, loving and supportive early childhood living with his maternal grandparents, a number of cousins and a woman he believed was his mother, in Mthatha in the Eastern Cape.

At the age of 10, life took a different turn when a couple who were known relatives, came to claim their child.

“At first I was confused about the child who was spoken of, but I was the only child staying at my grandparents’ house,” Mabenge said.

He soon discovered the woman he had called Ma was his maternal aunt, Vuyelwa Danana, who had taken him in as two-day-old baby.

His biological parents - Nokuzola and Victor Mabenge - had given him to Danana to raise.

When the couple demanded their child back, the 10-year-old’s life was turned upside down and what followed was years of physical and emotional abuse, accompanied by the doubt that these cruel people were really his parents.

While adjusting to a new family setting, Mabenge was quietly negotiating his identity and sexuality.

From as early as seven, he knew he was meant to be a boy, he said.

He was convinced that, although he was always told he was a girl, one day he would grow a penis and be like other boys.

“As a child, I would pee standing like other boys and make a mess.”

As a young adult at UCT, where he had enrolled to study, Mabenge fell into depression, and attempted suicide more than once.

He said that found his path after receiving counselling and following professional advice.

He officially changed his identity to that of a male and then embarked on a journey to align his body with his identity.

He went through hormone replacement therapy, taking shots of testosterone and, after fighting with medical aid schemes to fund his surgeries, he eventually received the nod he had been hoping for.

The medical scheme approved the motivation as an “ex-gratia application for surgical intervention based on gender alignment”.

He wrote in his book: “I am the first known transgender man in South Africa who has successfully got a medical aid to fund gender-realignment procedures through the Transgender Clinic.”

A few weeks after having a successful double mastectomy, he checked himself in at the same clinic for a laparoscopic hysterectomy, the removal of the uterus.

Nursing staff thought there had been a mistake with the surgery booking.

He had to spell it out: “Sister, I’m transitioning from what is known as female to male. That’s why I am a man who needs to have a hysterectomy,” he wrote.

A number of other surgeries await him but Mabenge takes it all in his stride and embraces each step of the experience.

“In a world that tells people who they should be, my journey serves as a catalyst for someone out there to live their own truth,” he said.

Mabenge is the founder of Landa Mabenge Consulting and teaches about transgender issues.

Weekend Argus

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