If I could do one thing only, as their father, it would be to use my leadership, to develop their leadership in their own lives.
Cape Town - My phone rings, it’s about one of my children, at a party.
There’s a situation.
I’m concerned. But, equally, I’m delighted: Because I know, instinctively: here’s an opportunity to learn.
It turned out to be a tough lesson. Not fun.
But worth it. How blessed: a chance to genuinely understand, through first-hand experience, seriously important consequences, so early in life.
Then there’s my littlest friend, who’s two.
Life’s one permanent exploration.
She’s usually in her backpack, singing softly in my ear. But one day she announced she wanted to walk along the river by herself. I plonked her down. And being an adventurous girl, she trotted off immediately. I followed her - knowing she’d probably fall. But that was fine.
I was reminded of probably the best advice about parenting.
“Prepare the child for the path, not the path for the child.”
Poor parenting is smoothing everything upfront for the child - in their schooling, friendships and everything else.
If children have every obstacle parented-out-of-the-way before them, they learn zero. Such parents actually deny their children’s’ development.
Instead: “Prepare the child” - with kindness and curiosity, confidence and courage. With personal leadership.
It’s like the story of the two rhinos: When mother rhinos run from danger with their calves, black and white rhinos do it differently: The black rhino Mom runs in front, but the white rhino Mom runs behind its calf.
Why would this be? Simple: a black rhino has a pointed lower lip, because it’s a browser. And because it thus lives primarily in thorn tree country, it runs up ahead, to make way through the thorn branches for its calf, which follows behind.
By contrast: a white rhino’s lip is square, because it’s a grazer. It thus lives mostly in grasslands
So when it runs away from a danger, it protects the child from the back, with the calf running up front.
Parenting’s always a bit of both, I guess.
But how wonderful to let a child run up ahead. To explore for themselves. Knowing we’ll always have their back, but taking full responsibility for their own path.
If I could do one thing only, as their father, it would be to use my leadership, to develop their leadership in their own lives. To stand tall, to take smart decisions. To problem-solve, develop resilience. To understand accountability - to themselves, and between those around them, including me.
By this act of leadership, I give them the greatest gift I can. The confidence to run ahead in their lives. Knowing they are fundamentally free.
* Williams’ “Shooting from the Lip” column appears in the Cape Argus every Monday.
Cape Argus