By Trish Beaver
As women in executive jobs earn more in South Africa, there is an increasing trend of husbands opting to play more of a secondary role on the career front, and instead look after children.
According to the US Census Bureau, there are 159 000 stay-at-home fathers currently in the United States, a more than threefold increase from 1996 when they numbered 49 000.
Researchers and associations that represent these fathers, however, estimate their number to be closer to two million, as the Census Bureau figures do not take into account fathers who work part-time or from the home.
In the US there are support groups, chat groups online, and even special jackets made for their needs, which have pockets large enough for nappies and bottles.
There is an annual convention for stay-at-home dads where they exchange ideas, recipes and tips on child-rearing and how best to cope with the initial sense of alienation and loneliness that comes with the job.
As many women smash through the glass ceiling, they earn more than their partners, and there is also less stigma attached nowadays to a man staying home to take care of his children.
Aaron Rochlen, associate professor in psychology at the University of Texas, who specialises in research on men and masculinity says: "So even if it's difficult for some men to make the decision to stay home and take care of the kids, more of them are making it in part because of the practical economics."
He says that of 210 men who took part in his study, those that seemed to be struggling with their role were men who adhere to traditional norms of masculinity.
Men who had a less traditional and less restrictive upbringing seemed to adjust well to their roles.
The first television sitcom that depicted this "comical" role reversal was Who's The Boss? with hunky Tony Danza and his advertising executive boss, the neurotic Angela.
Danza was nanny and domestic rolled into one. But in South Africa, we are fortunate that many stay-at-home dads have the luxury of a domestic helper.
Here are four stories from local stay-at-home dads.
- Greg Volkwyn, a former stockbroker and financial advisor, says he adopted to stay home when he saw that his wife Terry's chances of promotion were greater than his.
He felt as a second-time-around father that he would prefer to be more involved with his younger children.
"When I was married the first time, I was very busy building my career and then setting up my own business. I was very career-oriented and you only realise when it's too late that your kids have grown up.
"I wanted to have a more hands-on experience with my younger daughters Madison and Teagan," he says.
Volkwyn is still involved in business in a part-time way as a financial consultant and he does business news for radio, but he says he does the lift clubs, homework and watching the kids at sports.
"I think it is very emotionally fulfilling and a role I really enjoy. I have friends who tease me a bit, and I think you have to be very comfortable in your own skin to be able to do this and not feel that you are not conforming to society. Society is changing and you make the best of your opportunities.
"I did not want to watch my life pass me by and the kids are a huge part of my life. My older kids can come to me and chat during the day and I have time for them, I am not stuck to an office and meetings. In fact, I think many men envy me," says Volkwyn.
Volkwyn's wife Terry is the CEO of Primedia Broadcasting. She fully supports Greg and appreciates his support on the home front.
"I feel her support and it means a lot; we work as a team, and it works."
- Eckehardt Ficinus and his wife Nicky Newton-King, who works at the Johannesburg Stock Exchange, decided together that he would be the one to look after the children.
He says: "It simply made more financial sense as her career was taking off and she had the potential to make a huge amount of money, so it wasn't a big deal."
Finicus, who was a sports and aqua-aerobics instructor, says that he is a tough coach with his two boys and that his worst trait is his disciplinary streak.
"I take my job seriously and I want my kids to grow up with fine values and to be contributors to our world. I push them hard, while their mom is the softy. But I know that they tell me anything and they trust me; I am there for them."
Finicus also does part-time tourism business on the side and he relies on the assistance of their domestic helper to get things done.
"I have a super-organised routine and we have to plan to get time to do things as a family, so we stick to schedules."
He says that his wife also plays her part where she can and they work as a team.
"When we hit a problem, we discuss it and come up with a solution together. It's a very equal partnership. I make time for fun and I play golf when I need time out. I think some guys are a bit jealous. I don't feel like my masculinity is threatened at all."
Finicus says the job has hidden perks like socialising with the "yummy mummies" at school where his boys Nicholas, five, and Alexander, seven, attend school.
He also says he feels more empowered than "chequebook dads" who have no real connection with their kids.
- Richard Dawes says he manages his "terrorist sons" and that a father's discipline comes in handy.
"My sons are teenagers and are typical boys. I think a male influence at home does help."
Dawes's wife Margaret is a director with Sanlam.
Dawes says: "I always worked for myself and my wife had an opportunity to do really well. It was a realistic decision for me to take over on the home front.
"It works well. The only thing we all hate is homework. I hated it the first time around and now I hate it more as I have very little patience."
"I used to coach the boys at sport when they were younger, but now they are bigger I get to watch their matches.
"It does help bond the family. I think what I do is important and my wife appreciates me. She works long hours and sometimes comes in after 7pm. I have to be supportive and then we all enjoy the benefits."
- Sipho Chacha, an artist and metalworker, looks after his twin girls, Tidi and Anna, three, during the day. His wife Dimi works as an executive PA for a national bank.
Their lives were thrown into chaos when the girls arrived. Dimi's mother, who had come from Zambia to help look after the twins, died suddenly after a short illness.
Sipho says: "I was the one who earns less money and my money comes and goes.
"I cannot say when I will get a job or when I will sell a piece of art. It made sense to look after the girls while Dimi kept her job. But it was not easy for me to adapt. I think it is easier now. When they were babies, it seemed like it was all about feeding and changing nappies."
At weekends Dimi looks after the twins and Sipho is allowed time off.
Dimi says Sipho is a very good father.
"The twins prefer him - he is very patient and he makes up games that will keep them amused for hours."