I will come right out and say it: my son is a late bloomer. While my younger brother famously walked at nine months, my own son hit that milestone at a ripe 16 months. I looked longingly at infants who waved on demand, and even blew kisses, until suddenly, unprompted, a few months short of his second birthday, my son flapped his pudgy hands and said brightly: “Bye-bye”.
Milestones like these can be a helpful way for parents and experts to gauge whether a child is developing normally – physically, verbally or socially. But for many parents in today’s hypercompetitive and hypervigilant parenting environment, having a baby who rolls over at two months affords coveted bragging rights, while having a baby who doesn’t induces anxious internet searches.
“It is something that all parents struggle with. It’s hard to avoid it, the comparisons,” says Claire Lerner, a child development specialist with Zero to Three, a non-profit US-based organisation focused on early development.
But Lerner says there is a wide variation for when kids achieve the classic baby and toddler milestones.
So Lerner tells parents about this big-picture indicator: “What’s important is you’re seeing them make forward progress.”
If your child isn’t crawling yet but she has started rolling to reach her toys, that is progress, Lerner says. “If your child is stagnant and not making forward progress, that to me is the thing to watch for.”
Patricia Wright of the Easter Seals, a US organisation that advocates for children with disabilities and special needs, encourages a more aggressive approach.
Early intervention is invaluable, Wright says. Parents should discuss any concerns with their child’s doctor, sooner rather than later. “I don’t want parents to worry for three months,” and then spend another three months waiting for an appointment with a specialist, she says.
Even something as common as a language delay can be helped by early intervention, Wright says. A speech pathologist can give parents tips on how to create a language-rich environment for their child and encourage speech.
Lerner agrees that it is worth checking with an expert because parental anxiety can actually stymie a child’s progress. Children pick up on the feeling and can feel frustrated at themselves, or discouraged from trying because the situation has become so stressful.
Kristine Watson used to be one of those constantly worried moms.
She would feel fine about her son’s progress until they went to a baby class, where she would be barraged by questions about what he could and could not do, followed by hints that she should get him checked out.
“Every kid was given some kind of diagnosis if they didn’t fit into this exact mould,” Watson says. “It does make you paranoid that there is something wrong when there isn’t.”
When her son turned three, she realised he was fine, and she stopped tracking everything.
Her toddler, who was more interested in exploring than playing with other kids, is now a first-grader who has friends but would still rather swim or do martial arts than play on a soccer team.
For another mom, Sarah Christensen, it came naturally to do what many experts re-commend: Follow your child’s lead and don’t worry too much.
Her one-and-a-half-year-old daughter can climb a small tree and has been eating with a spoon and fork since she was a wee 10-month-old.
On the other hand, she only recently said the word “Momma,” about half a year later than many children.
“I feel like it all sort of evens out in the end,” Christensen said.
Indeed, my little guy may be a little slower out of the gate, but he catches up pretty quickly. At 21 months, he is a master Lego builder and can count to 10, almost perfectly, in both Arabic and English. – Sapa-AP