London - New mothers should make themselves have sex with their partner soon after giving birth – even if they do not feel ready, a childcare guru has claimed.
Gina Ford, Britain’s most popular childcare writer, said that women should show sexual interest in their man four to six weeks after having a baby.
The controversial advice is published in The Contented Mother’s Guide, which aims to tell women how to stay intimate with the father of their child.
It warns that men can sometimes feel “emotionally closed out” by a lack of intimacy following the birth of a baby.
One section dedicated to sharing advice from other women even advises “sometimes you may just have to grin and bear it”.
The claims have alarmed some experts, who say new mothers are under tremendous pressure in the months after giving birth.
The book also includes tips such as: “Arm yourself with post-birth essentials such as massage oil and take things slowly.”
It also advises couples to leave their newborns at home to go on “date nights”.
In an interview ahead of the book’s publication, Ford, a former maternity nurse, said new parents needed to get “that side of life” back as quickly as possible.
The divorcee, who has never had children but has made millions from her childcare manuals, added: “It’s up to parents to decide, but after about four to six weeks I encouraged every family I worked with to go out for a lovey-dovey afternoon or evening when they got glammed up and were not allowed to talk about the baby.
“In my experience, couples who do this in the early days find it easier to go out than couples who have not left the baby with anyone else for the first six months.
“Most of the men I speak to are pretty patient – they understand that their wife is not going to feel up to it for a few weeks or months, but problems come when they are closed out emotionally.
“The longer a mom puts it off and doesn’t talk to her husband, the harder it gets.”
Ford has been criticised for her views, such as those in 1999’s The Contented Little Baby Book, which urges new mothers to let their babies cry themselves to sleep via her “controlled crying” technique. The most controversial tips in her new book come from mothers who have contributed to the forums on her website, Contentedbaby.com. One writes: “The thought of sex can be worse than the action. A bit like going to the gym – you can’t be bothered to go, but once you are there you enjoy it and feel better after.”
Other tips include getting in the mood by drinking wine and dressing up, but also that “sometimes you may just have to grin and bear it”. Ford added that women should not feel pressured into anything but says a healthy sex life makes a big difference.
But Justine Roberts, co-founder of parenting website Mumsnet, said: “I’m not sure a strict routine for getting back in the saddle after having a baby will go down too well with new mothers.
“It sounds like Gina’s new book should be called The Contented Father’s Guide, rather than The Contented Mother’s Guide.”
Relationship therapist Julia Armstrong added: “Every relationship is going to be different. What is key is that the couple learns to listen to each other.
“The woman may be feeling tired and suffering from the trauma of birth. Equally, the man may be feeling pushed out. You can’t put a time limit on something like this.”
Belinda Phipps, of the National Childbirth Trust, said: “No mom should be pressured into having sex before she is ready. Relationships are under pressure but they can strengthen at this time, sharing the joys of your new role together.
“It’s not all about sex. Keeping well away from this guilt inducing book would also be a very good way to help.” - Daily Mail