The first day at school is a landmark occasion for both the child and his or her parents. For the child it is an entry into a whole new world. For the parents it is a crucial step towards kindling a sense of pleasure and fun in the learning process. If nothing else, a reasonably good education will probably reduce the chances of their child being unemployed.
Most children are eager to learn and to join the world of the bigger kids who already attend school. But there are some who are anxious and fearful of moving into uncharted waters.
What do they worry about?
Parents’ and teachers’ responses to this question include the following:
l Many fear that they don’t know how to read and work with numbers.
l They fear that there won’t be any time for play once they get to school.
l They want to know when it’s time to go home.
l They want to know what could happen if they don’t listen to the teacher.
l What if they’d like to go to the bathroom but an “accident” happens?
l What if they start feeling hungry?
l What if the other kids don’t like them? And if the teacher doesn’t like them?
Sometimes children in their second or third week of school tell their parents that they don’t want to attend anymore. Their motivation? They have already been to school for a while and that’s enough.
The excitement of the first few weeks has worn off and they want to get back to their comfort zone at home.
Reassure Your Child
Encourage your child to talk about his fears and concerns. Listen to him very carefully and don’t trivialise his fears. To him, those fears are very real.
Acknowledge these concerns and then answer them in a reassuring but truthful manner. Prepare him for some of the school rules that he, like the other children in his class, will need to obey. After all, school is a place for learning. It is not Disneyland.
Talk about school in an enthusiastic and animated way so that he sees it as an exciting and interesting extension of his home rather than as a place to be dreaded. It will help if your child knows another child in the same class before school starts.
School mornings
On the first school morning, particularly, allow yourself plenty of time to avoid the pressure of rushing around. Get things ready the night before – packed lunch, school clothes, and so on. Cut down on distractions like TV unless you are offering it as a special treat for being ready on time. It is also important not to give your child extra attention for arguing, whining or dawdling. Refuse to take the bait!
How things go at home in the morning can set the tone for the day ahead. Aim to send him off feeling calm, relaxed and well fed.
At school
Although you may be going through a mixture of emotions, try not to pass any of your anxieties on to your child. You will have to be an excellent actress to succeed fully – but try. Be confident, walk with a positive stride, find the classroom, meet the class teacher, locate the toilets, put down the bag and find a friend.
Your child’s little eyes and ears are watching you and listening to you. He will take his cues from you. Let him see a well-organised and self-assured mother who knows her way around.
Let your child know what is going to happen during the school day – when you’re going to leave and when you’re coming to fetch him. Also reassure him that if a problem arises his teacher will assist.
Explain to him that teachers are perhaps the nicest folks on Earth. They have chosen to work with little ones because they love children and are usually warm, funny and understanding people.
Once he has settled, depart decisively but with a relaxed and happy expression on your face. Avoid lingering and dragging things out.
Remind yourself that the teachers have seen it all before and have developed strategies to help children adjust. Some schools have a “buddy” system where children are paired with those kids already established at school.
To increase your child’s comfort level, let him take a favourite from home, such as a picture of his pet, a teddy bear or a lucky charm.
Be sure to pick your child up on time. If you are late it could make him feel very anxious.
When he is back from school
Encourage your child to talk about the day’s activities by asking him open-ended questions. Such questions call for longer explanations than just simple “yes” or “no” answers. What was fun? What was not fun? What was easy? What was not so easy? Are there naughty boys or girls in your class?
In this connection never forget that children often love to exaggerate about how badly the other children behaved or how mean the teacher was. Make allowance for this when listening to his moans and groans.
If you hear that something was difficult at school, let him know that you understand. There are some things at school that are difficult but you are proud that he has been trying. Tell him that tomorrow will be a new, and hopefully, better day.
In some instances things become a little more complex. Some children simply refuse to talk. In such situations be patient, respect his silence and gently work towards an early bedtime.
Don’t expect too much too soon.
If your child still doesn’t seem to be settling in, or reports teasing or bullying, speak to the teacher. In most cases some adjustments here or there will solve the problem; in a few cases professional assistance may be required.
Possible changes in a child’s behaviour at home
Starting school often disrupts the stability of a child’s life. Learning and playing uses up a great deal of a youngster’s energy. This tends to make him cranky and irritable and he may start displaying regressive forms of behaviour.
You may find that he clings to you more than usual, thumb sucks, or even forgets toilet training now and again. Some children become defiant, or have sleep disturbances and start coming to their parents’ bed at night.
Handling problems
Keep a discreet watch on the situation. Excessive anxiety on your part can aggravate the problem.
Talk to the class teacher. She could shed more light on your child’s behaviour.
Keep the big picture in mind. When your child settles down and enjoys school, congratulate yourself on a job well done.
One of the most valuable things that parents can give their child is a lifelong love of learning.
The idea that learning stops the day you leave school died long ago. Indeed, as society evolves, children will face an even greater need to continue learning, changing and developing throughout their adult lives.
If you can continue to encourage your child to take pleasure from learning and developing as an individual, he or she will be far better placed to live a happy, healthy and successful life.
l Ramphal is a Durban educational psychologist with special interests in child and adolescent development and career counselling. - Daily News