QUESTION: My husband’s best friend of 45 years has separated from his wife, so my spouse said he could stay with us for a while. Six weeks on and I find myself a skivvy, while they go to the pub, play golf and watch TV. My spouse and I haven’t made love since his pal arrived and now they’ve started making lecherous comments about a barmaid. How can I get my life back?
ANSWER: I have long suspected that a wife’s worst foe isn’t a newly single woman, but a recently separated man. Men Behaving Badly and The Likely Lads gave women warning of the perils of a”bromance”.
The worst danger comes when the ‘other man’ was there first. It’s hard to out-manoeuvre a rival who’s known your husband since school days, so is more aware of their weak spots than you are.
While he’s showing your husband a good time, you’re in danger of looking like a dreary old matron.
The fact is the whole world is on your side when you’re chasing off a predatory woman, but you have to step a bit gently when tangling with a male interloper. You don’t want to appear unsympathetic to a friend who’s in a fragile state nor do you want to turn this into a ‘it’s him or me’ contest.
Having said that, you do need to turf out this man. He’s over-stayed his welcome by a wide mile. Also bear in mind that marital splits can prove contagious.
Your husband’s pal is likely to be subtly promoting the joys of a single man’s life: endless trips to the pub and ogling of barmaids, with few responsibilities.
Your spouse is likely caught up with nostalgia, making him behave like a twerp.
What these grown-up lads forget is that if Mr Separated was living on his tod in a bedsit, he’d look tragic, not carefree. Your mistake was not laying down ground rules. You should have obtained a cast-iron assurance he was staying for a fortnight at the most.
It’s time to gird your loins and out-brazen the competition. Why not invite your most attractive, outrageous single female friend for an indefinite stay? You can show the blokes that the pair of you can booze, flirt and abandon chores with the best of them.
Plus, your husband’s chum may find his attentions transplanted to your friend. Once this bromance unstitches, it will be easier to evict this man.
On top of that, seduce your husband back to his senses. He has forgotten the reason men leave the frat dorm in the first place: erotic love.
I suggest you don a basque and suspenders and light some candles. Then kiss your husband’s neck and list all the crazy, sexy things you will do to him as soon as his friend departs.
Finally, have a quiet word with your house guest. Say that while your value his role in your husband’s life, you’ll cite him in divorce papers as “the other man” if he stays one week longer. - Daily Mail