‘How can I wean him off Viagra?’

AFP

Lifestyle changes and medications such as Viagra can help (though there is thought to be an 80 percent chance of a drug working, they are not effective for everyone).

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QUESTION: My husband and I are still in love after 30 years together, but our sex life had dwindled in our 60s to the point where we only made love every three or four months. This depressed my spouse, so I sent him to our GP, who prescribed Viagra. Suddenly, we were having sex on an almost nightly basis. This was great for a fortnight, but after that I felt unable to keep up. All I want now is a good night’s sleep. How do I wean him off the pills?

ANSWER: Never has the phrase “be careful what you wish for” seemed so poignant. I have often felt Viagra might prove a mixed blessing if only one partner’s flagging libido is revived.

Most of us like our sex lives to progress like symphonies from vibrant, fast movements to slower, restful sequences, before the orchestra picks up pace again.

This is even truer in your 60s, where space for a little romantic contemplation often replaces the wham-bam impetuousness of youth. It must be unsettling to find your spouse behaving like a hormone-crazed 20-year-old.

However, your case is a relatively unusual one. Most men who take Viagra and its cohort drugs (Levitra, Cialis etc) don’t find they act as aphrodisiacs, so much as performance enhancers, aiding blood flow to the man’s penis. Having said that, many a man’s libido is sapped by his inability to achieve a full erection and it’s immensely cheering to have normal functions restored.

It sounds as if, in your chap’s case, he feels rather like a man who crashed his Ferrari years ago then suddenly gets a new one.

It is understandable, but I can also see why it’s a bit of an issue for you. One of the problems with the efficacy of Viagra is that there are no such magic bullets for women. When a woman’s libido decreases it tends to be due to a cocktail of hormonal, psychological, emotional and age-related reasons. Generally, a more holistic approach is advisable.

So you need to persuade your husband to takes things down a gear. The first thing you need to tell him is that you appreciate the fact that he wants to make love to you so passionately after three decades together: it’s both flattering and romantic.

You then need to explain that, like many women, there are moments every month when you wish to make love, but also times when you need space to re-sharpen your appetite.

I don’t think you can ask your husband to abandon the little blue pills altogether. He is so delighted at finding this source of renewed vigour that it would be cruel to deprive him.

You just need to agree on restricted use so your libidos are more in tune. Explain that sometimes a cuddle and a snooze is what you need. Surely the two of you, after 30 harmonious years, can agree on a compromise.

If your spouse resists your calls for change, bring your GP onside. Unrestricted use of Viagra can sometimes lead to side-effects.

If you still have problems, ask your partner to look at a website called Viagraholics.com, which warns that any man who feels compelled to use the drug on a daily basis may have dependency issues. Your husband needs to ration his Viagra and remember that a pleasure deferred is a pleasure intensified. - Daily Mail

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