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‘I don’t want to do a sex course’

QUESTION: For my birthday, my husband has booked us on a “rediscover your sensuality” course, where we will be joined by other couples. I hate the idea of sharing feelings and learning massage techniques in front of strangers. Our love life is fine for a couple married for 18 years, but he says it needs spicing up. Am I being ungrateful (as he claims) by refusing to go?

Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones in Hope Springs, in which a middle-aged couple attends an intense, week-long counseling session to work on their relationship. Credit: AP

ANSWER: No woman wants a gift that screams: “You’ve lost your mojo: now get out there and find it!”

Your husband would do better with a trip for two to Rome. You wouldn’t feel under pressure and the romance could reveal your inner sex kitten.

Take offence, by all means, but don’t pick a huge fight. Many women would sell their soul for a man who expressed a desire to work at his relationship — even if yours did set about the task in a clumsy manner.

What’s intriguing is the fact you have such different perceptions about the state of your romantic life. Is it possible there’s a lack of excitement, which you ascribe to being together a long time?

If so, isn’t it equally possible your husband feels it has more to do with a reluctance to try anything new in the bedroom? Almost everyone loses some tactility after a long time together. Few of us feel as frisky at 50 as we do at 30.

Talk to your husband. Try to understand what he feels is lacking. Articulate what’s not so great for you. It’s rare that only one person needs to work at being more attentive.

See this as a chance to overhaul your boudoir repartee.

I understand your reservations about the course. The most conciliatory solution would be to keep an open mind and attend but not participate. Or you could see if they offer classes for two?

Most simple of all, sit down together and make a bedroom wish list. If you take each other’s needs seriously, you’ll both feel loved and respected. - Daily Mail

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