‘My husband strayed - and so did I’

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couple hands rings sxc sxc.hu Your husband has powerful incentive to address this fundamental failing: He adores you.

QUESTION: My husband of 19 years recently broke down in tears and told me he’d had a one-night stand but regretted it. I said we’d work it out, but I didn’t confess that I’d had a brief affair myself ten years ago. Now I feel guilty when he thanks me for forgiving him. Did I do the wrong thing?

 

ANSWER: The most sympathetically received confessions are all about timing. If the adulterer tells all straight after an indiscretion, at least they seem genuinely distraught.

The other good moment for blurting out your extramarital sins is when your partner confesses to the same sort of mistake. You have a short space of time to come clean. Why? Because, as you are now finding out, if you don’t, you will spend the rest of your life being treated as a saint, when you’re as fallible as your other half.

That’s an uncomfortable position. Just imagine the fallout if your husband finds out that you betrayed him, but didn’t mention the fact when he was down on his knees!

So I have to say you spectacularly missed your moment. More importantly, why have both of you strayed outside marriage?

What is clear is that you have a marriage worth saving. It seems both of you have been unfaithful, but when you had a chance to abandon the domestic ship, you stayed firmly aboard.

And yet you don’t trust your husband to show the same level of understanding and compassion as you’ve shown him. Is it possible you’re doing him a grave injustice?

And if you’re truly frightened by how your husband might react, why not own up in the consulting room of an accredited relationship counsellor?

You can only have a harmonious marriage if you and your husband are on level ground — and that means levelling with him. - Daily Mail

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