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QUESTION: I had a string of love affairs before meeting my sweet but reserved husband. I fear we’re missing some electricity in the bedroom. I’ve asked him if he can indulge me in my favourite fantasy - pretending to be a stranger who seduces me - but he says he’d feel stupid. How can I stop my man being so staid?
QUESTION: I’m not sure many husbands would leap to indulge a ‘favourite fantasy’ that has clearly been played out with a string of previous lovers.
Most spouses fondly think that what marriage confers upon a relationship is the implication that this particular union is the most profound and satisfying of the two participants’ lifetimes.
You don’t want to hear that there was ‘this great thing that my ex did that turned me on more than you can imagine’. That’s not to say you can’t borrow from previous experiences, but you have to be tactful and it sounds as if you’ve blundered in here.
You also need to respect your husband’s natural limits. He’s not the kind of mad, bad, superficially sexy commitment-phobe who will experiment like crazy but leave you ten days later.
The truth is, the art of sexual fantasy doesn’t come readily to everyone. Some people don’t feel an instinctive need to retreat into their imagination. Perhaps your husband will never be able to pretend to be someone else, so you need to value what he can do for you.
I can’t help feeling you’ll get far further with your husband if you can tap into his own sexual imagination and see if there’s something in his deepest desires that pushes your buttons, too.
Something as simple as covering his eyes with a silk scarf can be erotic and playful, but not the least bit threatening.
And often it’s only by showing your sexual partner how good something feels that you can persuade them to reciprocate.
But don’t be upset if your husband never feels able to play ‘let’s pretend’. He loves and desires you, and that’s far more crucial to long-term happiness than any degree of escapism. - Daily Mail