‘Why did my online lover ditch me?’Comment on this story
QUESTION: It took ages to summon up the courage to try online dating after my husband left me, but eventually I met a man who was attractive, funny and attentive. After three months, we had one night of passion and then… nothing. He cut off all communication. This was six months ago, and I’m still convinced I must have been terrible in bed. Help!
ANSWER: Why do you assume you did something wrong? The person clearly in error is the man you had the misfortune of dating. What kind of person spends three months in pursuit of another, only to vanish the second they enjoy intimacy?
Whatever his fine qualities, he is rude and takes no responsibility for his actions, as the least you could expect was an apology and explanation. But it’s easy to see why you blame yourself.
Your confidence must still be dented from your husband’s desertion. Then, when you finally mustered the courage to try dating, the first man you liked did an abrupt runner, too.
It’s also easy for you to conclude that you’re a flop in bed. Let me explain why that theory should be discounted: the majority of men are perfectly content if someone they desire reciprocates the favour and wants to go to bed with them.
So I can only speculate. Perhaps this man delights in conquest, but is incapable of real intimacy. Or maybe he’s recently out of a relationship and only realised he hadn’t moved on when he went to bed with you. Or perhaps he is sexually unconfident.
In truth, the reason doesn’t matter. Use this unhappy incident as part of a learning curve. Don’t be put off dating. But be wary of charm, and make a point of meeting any new man’s circle of pals, so you can make a proper judgment.
Finally, grow a thicker skin and repeat this fault-shifting mantra ten times every day: “It’s not me, it’s HIM.” - Daily Mail