It appears that the majority of women fake orgasms, and many of them do so pretty regularly. Astonishingly, a fairly high percentage of men do too.
If you've ever faked it you probably have a good idea why it's a widespread practice - but you're also likely to be surprised at how widespread it is.
How often to women fake it?
A recent British survey found that 80 percent of women faked orgasms during vaginal intercourse at least half the time - while 25 percent faked it a whopping 90 percent of the time. This was found by a team of researchers led by Dr Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire and Dr Colin A Hendrie of the University of Leeds.
A quarter of men may be lying. A survey by the University of Kansas in the US found that 67 percent of women faked orgasms as well as almost 30 percent of men. The figure for women is comparable with previous research studies, according to Dr John Grohol, editor of Psych Central. The survey also found that some women faked a climax during oral sex, manual stimulation by their partner and phone sex.
The findings raise the question of why people - especially such a high proportion of women - choose to be deceptive about such an important element of their relationship. During the most profoundly intimate moment of sexual ecstasy, which is surely meant to bind us together as lovers, it seems astonishing that anybody would want to be dishonest. Surely it's the ultimate moment of intimate honesty?
The reason is simple - they realise they're not going to reach an orgasm, for whatever reason, but they choose to pretend they have either because they want to bring the sex session to an end, or they're not wanting to hurt their partner's feelings for not getting them off, or they seek to boost their partner's self-esteem by vocalising loudly to act as if they're having an amazing time.
Why do women fake it? The Kansas University research team came up with some interesting responses as to why women fake orgasms, according to Dr Grohol. Mostly, it seems, they are being considerate to their lover's feelings.
1. Her (explosive) end is not in sight
Women fake orgasms if an orgasm is unlikely, when they sense that they're not going to reach a climax during a session of sex. Some men also fake it if they know their whistle isn't going to blow - especially if they have had too much alcohol, which tends to inhibit the ability to climax. Orgasms can also be elusive if we are stressed, exhausted, upset, distracted or bored.
Many women battle to achieve an orgasm during intercourse. Only about 30 percent of women can actually reach an orgasm through penetrative intercourse. The stimulation isn't sufficient for around 70 percent of women who need direct stimulation of the clitoris to climax - and often, the clit simply doesn't get enough loving attention. Not surprisingly, women are more likely to orgasm in foreplay than in intercourse - which is why foreplay is usually the main course for the fairer sex.
Often women have difficulty reaching an orgasm because they (and their partner) haven't yet figured out what type of stimulation they need to climax. Young women aren't encouraged to masturbate in the way that guys are, yet solo play and fantasising are the methods that the majority of women use to learn how to orgasm. So not surprisingly, some women remain pre-orgasmic (not yet had an orgasm) until they find the confidence to start masturbating and experimenting with sex toys like vibrators and by reading erotica.
2. She wants it to end
Women fake it if they want to bring the sex session to a close. If a woman's lover particularly wants her to have an orgasm and keeps going in the hope that she will eventually raise the rafters, she may decide to pretend that the earth's just moved for her so that he stops stimulating her.
There are a number of possible reasons why she may want to end intercourse. She may not have been in the mood for sex but agreed to it because her partner wanted it. She may intuit that for whatever reason, she's not going to reach a climax. Or perhaps intercourse is starting to be physically uncomfortable for her.
People often have sex to please their partner, even if they aren't in the mood. It's a generous gesture that's perfectly acceptable. Yet some women find that their partner will keep going until they reach a climax, and so they feel obliged to moan in apparent ecstasy. This is because for many women, extended sex can become physically uncomfortable.
It's possible, for instance, to over-stimulate a woman by repeating a particular move in a particular spot for too long. The clitoris can become numb from over-massaging or if her partner is not gentle enough. Also, if a guy thrusts for a long time during intercourse, she may become too dry and the dry friction can cause tiny tears in the walls of her vagina, leading to bleeding and pain afterwards (using a quality water-based lubricant resolves this easily and pleasurably). The tears also leave her increasingly vulnerable to infections.
The main solution to correcting over-stimulation is good communication, which is why people in long-term relationships tend to have better sex. If a woman starts to feel too dry, sensitive or numb, she can suggest trying something else for a while.
3. She wants him to feel good
Women fake orgasms to spare their partner's feelings. Most people dislike hurting their lover's feelings and this is particularly important in the innermost sanctity of the bedroom. Women's fake orgasms avoid the issue of the man feeling bad for not performing well enough if she was unable to reach an orgasm.
An obvious answer to this feminine dilemma is for women to be more assertive between the sheets, firstly by knowing what triggers their own orgasms, and secondly either by coaching their partner in the right kind of stimulation for them, or by taking the lead and stimulating themselves during intercourse with their partner. One of the reasons that vibrators are so popular with women is that the vibration effect tends to elicit an orgasm far more quickly than manual or oral sex - and vibes can easily be used in couple sex as complimentary stimulation.
Gone are the days when women were passive recipients in sex, expecting their man to magically wave his wand (pun intended) to unleash earth-shattering contractions…or are they? - IOL