‘Why doesn’t my husband want sex?’

QUESTION: When I met my husband we were in our early 40s and had both come out of long relationships where lack of sex had ended things.

So we agreed that we would always try to make love at least twice a week. We held to our pact for eight years, but in the past two my spouse has started ducking out of sex with feeble excuses. Recently we’ve had a sexless month and I feel we’re on a slippery slope. How can I address this?

Jane Brewin, Tommy's chief executive officer, said fear that the issue will be trivialised by those ignorant of the facts leaves many women too ashamed to talk about it. Credit:

ANSWER: It’s almost impossible at the beginning of a passionate relationship to imagine that lust will ever subside.

But the truth is the longer a relationship lasts, the greater the effort (for most) that must be put into maintaining the frequency of erotic encounters. So I understand why you and your husband drew up your pact. And your contract worked well for eight years. Most couples notice a change in sexual frequency after four years - which, according, to scientists, is roughly the time it takes for the initial crazy-love hormonal stage of passion to wear off.

However, perhaps now it’s not disastrous to give yourselves a bit of a break. Regular sex is a marvellous thing and few doubt it’s the vital glue in most relationships. But the meaning of “regular” can change over a lifetime together.

The question I would ask you is whether it’s essential to your happiness to have sex twice a week, or whether it’s the affirmation that you’re desired and loved that’s crucial?

When your husband says he’s “tired” and “stressed” it’s possible he’s not rejecting you, but expressing a need to be comforted.

You and your husband need to sit down and have a talk about your needs and desires.

My guess is your man’s mojo may return if he doesn’t feel he’s failing you.

Don’t jeopardise what you have for the sake of sticking to the small print. - Daily Mail