London - The date of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding is one that 51-year-old Stephen Woolley will never forget.
He wasn’t glued to his TV set, he was lying on an operating table having his vasectomy reversed.
About 15 years after having “the snip”, he decided to undergo the procedure after an unexpected change in his personal circumstances.
“I got married in 1991 and had two daughters,” said Woolley, a company director. “After our second child was born in 1995, my wife and I decided that was enough and took the mutual decision that I should have a vasectomy.”
Five years later, however, their marriage broke up.
By 2007 he had a new 27-year-old girlfriend (he was, by then, 46).
“Carla knew from the beginning that I’d had a vasectomy and I knew that she wanted children – it was like the elephant in the room,” says Woolley.
“But I thought it would be selfish of me to say ‘I have been there, done that and don’t want any more children’, so I felt it was the right thing to do to try and get the vasectomy reversed.”
Less than a year later, Carla was pregnant. And in September she gave birth to a baby boy called Harrison.
“If someone had said to me 10 years ago that come the age of 50, I would be in another relationship with a new partner and have a baby boy, I would have said there’s no way that could happen. But you can’t guess what life’s going to bring,” says Woolley.
It is a message that British men appear to be heeding.
Growing numbers are opting not to have vasectomies, keeping their options open in case their relationship ends and they want to start a family with a new partner.
“Men are very aware that these days many relationships don’t work out,” says relationship coach, Susan Quilliam. “They might be deeply committed to their wife, but they see their friends, their colleagues, even their parents getting divorced… a vasectomy can feel like a very permanent step, especially when there is no guarantee that it can be reversed.”
Indeed, according to recent figures, one in 10 men will regret having their vasectomy – and will have surgery to try to reverse it. But these reversals are not always successful. With every year that passes after a vasectomy the chances of fertility being restored under the surgeon’s knife diminish and it is an expensive undertaking.
Dr Andrew Dawson carries out 200 reversals a year at the The Dawson Microsurgery Clinic in Hartlepool. “Some couples come to me because… once the children have flown the nest and gone to university, they find the house too quiet and want another baby.
“But the vast majority of men who come to see me – 90 percent or so – come to me for a reversal because they are in a new marriage or relationship and want to start a new family.”
There might be other practical reasons for the decline, too. Now couples are having children later, the man may question the point in having a vasectomy if the woman is going to hit the menopause in a few years’ time. And, according to Quilliam, men today see it as a much more significant procedure than they did a generation or two ago.
“Men are more involved in child-rearing than they were and fatherhood is a fundamental part of a man’s identity in a way that it wasn’t a generation or two ago.
“Just as a woman might refuse to be sterilised, even if she doesn’t want more children, men too might find it difficult to give up that part of themselves. Being fertile is a huge part of who men are,” she says.
“Also, I hear from men who worry that if their marriage ends, their wife will take the children and leave them with little contact.
“This is a very real fear. Not having a vasectomy means there is still a chance they could be an active father in the future.”
There are others, however, who argue that men who refuse to have a vasectomy are the ultimate commitment-phobes.
After years on the Pill, women want to come off contraception – perhaps for fear of its link to cancer – and they assume the worst when their husbands won’t have a 15-minute operation.
“Is my partner not wanting a vasectomy a bad sign?” asks one woman online.
The answer may be yes, according to Dr Jean-Luc Lafitte, a 47-year-old chiropractor and nutritionist.
“Even if men are in a long-term relationship, they want to keep their options open,” he says.
“Why should they have a vasectomy in one relationship, when they might eventually want to move on?
“It is sad, and a warped view of relationships, but this is how a lot of modern men think.”
Lafitte knows first-hand how having a vasectomy can scupper future relationships. He has three children aged 8, 11 and 14 from two previous relationships and underwent a vasectomy in 2006.
“I believed it was the responsible thing to do,” he says. “I am very happy with the children I have and I adore them, but did not want more.”
And yet, he explains, since breaking up with the mother of his youngest child, the fact that he cannot father any more children has been a major issue in subsequent relationships.
“Even though women seem accepting at first, once they fall in love with you, it becomes a different matter,” he says. “About a year after I had my vasectomy, I began a relationship with a lovely woman in her late 30s. She already had two children, so I thought she would be happy with my situation.
“But once we moved in together, it was a different story… She said I could have my vasectomy reversed, but I was adamant I wouldn’t. It was not the single factor that broke up our relationship, but it was an aspect.”
According to Quilliam, this is a common situation. “I get letters from women who are in this situation. They are falling for a man who cannot – or will not – have children.
“It could be they start dating a man at 31 and think it’s fine, but then seven years later, their biological clock kicks in and it can become a really big issue – one that could end a relationship,” she says.
Still, not all men are unwilling to take the step. Stephen Hallmark, 32, had the operation six months ago. He and his wife, Michelle, 30, decided that a vasectomy was the best contraceptive option after having two children – Gabriella, 3, and Leon, 19 months.
“I love my two children, and because I just have two, I have a lot of quality time with them,” said Hallmark.
“I think with three, it would be much harder to give them so much individual attention. Like most families today, our budget is not endless and having a bigger family would stretch us to the limit.”
Hallmark discussed the operation with his GP, who, he admits, seemed surprised that he wanted a vasectomy, given his age. “From his reaction, I did certainly get the impression that there are fewer men seeking vasectomies today.”
Anecdotally, it would seem some men are actively dissuaded from having the procedure by their GP – presumably because they have seen too many cases where men regret it.
“I love my wife and we are both committed to our family.
“I am really glad I took the plunge, as is Michelle.
“We feel it was a responsible step to take,” said Hallmark. – Daily Mail
It’s all over in fifteen minutes
A vasectomy takes about 15 minutes.
* The procedure involves making two small insertions in the scrotum and cutting the vas deferens, the tube that carries sperm from the testicles.
A small section of the tube is removed and the two ends sealed, either by tying a knot in them or heating them up with a probe.
* The surgery has no effect on sex drive or performance, but couples need to continue with another form of contraceptive for six months after the operation, until the patient provides two sperm-free samples.
Live sperm may still be in the tubes beyond the cut and can live for 70 days.
* Not every procedure is successful. A study in the American Journal Of Obstetrics And Gynaecology found that about one in 100 vasectomies did not reduce sperm count sufficiently to prevent pregnancy.