Durban - The shy 20-year-old sitting across the table from me,wearing a trendy Daniel Hechter jersey has a stutter.
Even without it, Paul Gwala wouldn’t be able to plainly articulate his lonely childhood.
Gwala grew up in a children’s shelter and was sent to live with his aunts in Mayville when he was older.
He explains that he did everything for himself there, washing his school uniforms and making his own supper.
It wasn’t easy, but he chose to go to school despite living in an informal settlement where most teens didn’t bother with education. He didn’t pass matric – in some ways the foundation was never there.
He describes feeling “a big pressure” which I interpret as the sheer anxiety of being alone in a difficult life.
Gwala didn’t have the family structure most of us have that encourages us to reach our full potential and supports us while getting there, but he was lucky enough to be part of a batch of young people chosen for the youth mentorship programme Big Brother, Big Sister.
It was through the programme that he met the Peace Agency’s Justin Foxton, who, when the programme collapsed, created his own – albeit smaller – programme on the same model.
Foxton could not have been a better mentor.
He and his wife Cathy began the non-profit organisation that provided homes for abandoned babies. In 2010 he decided to start Bright Stars, the mentorship programme from which Gwala and a few others have so far benefited.
Bright Stars recruits and trains adult to be mentors to vulnerable children.
“At shelters, their basic needs are met,” says Foxton, who explains that there is no family life and none of the relationships many of us have and use to define ourselves.
At Bright Stars the mentors are required to spend a minimum of an hour a week, for a year, with the people they are mentoring, invariably from an orphanage or shelter.
The stats suggest that there are two million abandoned children in South Africa and that only 2 000 are adopted each year.
The programme may be seen as a chance for those who feel they cannot adopt to still be involved, and its benefits clearly flow both ways.
Fiona Furniss, a 50-year-old dance teacher from Mount Edgecombe, mentors a 13-year-old girl.
“Perhaps we were paired because we love dance,” she says.
“However, all the children at the home do, and my child tells me they make up dance routines and teach each other for fun.
“She is happy and well taken care of at the home, with food, clothing and schooling provided. However, all her experiences there have been in a group.
“I remember when we would first go out to tea, she would wrap up her piece of cake and take it back to share with her friends. She had no concept of doing, or having, anything just for herself.
“Sure, at first you don’t know what to expect and I think this child was even a bit suspicious of me and what I wanted from her. Yet in time we have become comfortable with each other, and she has grown in confidence.
“For me, it’s been enriching simply to get to know her and her interests, and to watch her grow.”
Meryl Booth, 51, of Sunningdale has been mentoring a 15-year-old girl for two years.
“I have sometimes wondered if our weekly sessions were making any difference, and then after several months I received voluntary feedback from the caregivers about how much she looks forward to Saturdays.
“She especially likes visits to our home, where she is exposed to ‘normal’ family interaction, and she is fascinated by that.
“She says little, observes much, and soaks it up like a sponge. In the car afterwards she will discuss everything she has observed all the way back to the children’s home.
“I think the exposure to ‘normal’ family, as opposed to institutional life, has had a profound effect on her.
“I always hope that what we are modelling is positive for her own choices in life. Who knows? But it’s what I have to offer, and she certainly has grown in confidence, there’s no doubting that.”
Foxton believes that these, and indeed his friendship with Gwala, are classic examples of how mentorship can work successfully.
While his protégé might not have been an academic success, he persevered.
He stayed in school and, over their many conversations, the pair formulated a career path in computers.
Foxton approached a friend who took Gwala on as a trainee. The young man, in turn, proved himself and today he makes a living as an IT consultant.
He is about to write his Microsoft exams and dreams of owning his own home.
“It’s about connecting these kids with adults who can guide them through their journey. Mentorship extends perfectly into training and if each company did what this firm did, we could begin to deal with unemployment,” says Foxton.
He says mentorship is about nurturing a special relationship – investing in the life of one person – and the benefits go both ways.
“This friendship has had a profound impact on me. We’ve gone through stages and, as adults now, we often do lunch or BBM each other.
“It’s not that intimidating. We match personalities, so if you like to play soccer we match you with a child who loves soccer. It’s always males with males and females with females, and the initial training helps you manage the relationship.”
Adds Foxton: “There is an element of stepping out of your comfort zone at first, and it is truly a leap of faith to tell yourself you’re going to get involved in someone else’s problems – but I don’t believe we have the luxury to sit on the sidelines with so many millions of destitute children.”
* Join the Bright Stars workshop from 8.30am to 1pm on Saturday October 26 at the Grace Family Church in uMhlanga.
Justin Foxton and Ruth Stapleton will be speaking about the mentorship programme. For more information, e-mail [email protected]. - The Mercury
* If you are interested in adopting a child, join Foxton, Lisa Bobbert and Skip Collins for a free talk, Adoption 101, at Grace Family Church in uMhlanga from 8.30am to noon on November 2.