Well, we made it to January. The month that everyone hates. Mostly because we’re all broke and payday seems so impossibly far into the future.

We’re all tired from all the visitors and the visiting, the eating, the greetings and the cheating. (Oh yeah, Christmas is like prime time for adultery and infidelity, just to ruin that for you, in case I haven’t already).

But January for me just means, “Oh God the whole damn year starts again. Did I actually experience December or was that the other year? Or you mean Christmas was that day when we ate that weird pudding with the raisins? Oh”.

And then you realise just how far away December is. December: the magical month when everything is better because it just feels like the weekend all the time and the sentiment in the air gets you doing crazy things like actually hoping for the best in someone.

I know, right?

What does January have to offer really?

Shame and horror from the scale reading when you inexplicably decide to weigh your fat in the bathroom?

The cringing from sudden and visceral Christmas party flashbacks? The awkwardness of wondering if your debit card will go through when there’s like 50 people behind you in the queue?

Oh sure, January does have some things going for it. Like, all the clearance sales. Except why would you need a large white fir tree now? Or Joburg is usually quieter cos they’re all over here for the sunshine (Joburgers – where?). Also most people tend to clean, I think.

I’m not really sure. But if they do, then that’s a good thing, no?

I really can’t see any more good in January. It’s like one of those annoying people who, when something goes wrong for you, says “well you should have done what I did/said”.

Yeah. No one likes that person. And no one likes you Jan. Except those probably born in January. Let me check.

Me to friend born in January: do you enjoy being born in January?

Friend unfortunately born in January to me: @#%%$$#! you.

So ja. I think that proves my point.

Sunday Tribune