NEWSPAPER headlines become an art form when double entendre creeps in. Sometimes it’s deliberate and fiendishly clever. More often it’s
unintentional and naive. But hilarious nevertheless.
Irish colleen Carmel McNair, originally from Dublin and now at Mount Edgecombe, sends in some classics from around the world, originally collected in one of the Dublin papers:
Then there is also the absolutely clear and direct headline with not a trace of double meaning, that nevertheless is also an art form. My favourite of this genre was in large capital letters spread across two pages of the erstwhile News of the World: “NUDIST CAMP MANAGER FINDS MODEL WIFE NAKED IN BED WITH CHINESE HYPNOTIST FROM CO-OP BACON FACTORY”.
You want the facts? We’ve got ’em! You can’t fault that.
BARBARA Martin, of Durban North, sends in more on the horsemeat in the hamburgers saga in Britain:
A BUSINESSMAN in Bihar state, India, has lodged a criminal complaint after he was robbed of 400 000 rupees (about R60 000). Accused is a stray dog – name unknown, breed indeterminate.
It happened at a place called Gopalganj, where the businessman says he had the money in a bag on his bed. He stepped outside to wash at a water pump, at which the dog ran in, snatched the bag from the bed and ran off with it.
About 140 000 rupees were found in a street near the house, but the rest is still missing.
The police say you can’t lay a charge against a dog – let alone an unknown one. But the complainant insists otherwise.
Perhaps it would help if there were a human accomplice. It does seem suspicious. Was that dog a trained retriever?
What time of day did it happen? As Noel Coward tells us: Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun… There’s a lead for the Bihar CID.
OVERHEARD in the Street Shelter for the Over-40s: “I went to my friend’s funeral today. He was killed by a tennis ball. It was an amazing service.”
GRANDMA started walking 10km a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the heck she is.
Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are. – Bertolt Brecht