Johannesburg - Peer pressure. Manipulation by sexual predators. Social isolation and judgment. This is what a group of teenagers told Juliane Hoss and her team of researchers about their experiences with so-called “sugar daddies” or blessers.
But there isn’t a single reason why they became involved in these transactional relationships with older men. “We didn’t ask them about it, but rather about their main challenges - and they started telling us about sugar daddies and what it means to them,” explained Hoss, the One Young World ambassador and co-founder of the Bridges Camp.
A psychology student, she recently started work on her Master’s thesis evaluating a local women empowerment programme in Tembisa.
This is a collaboration between University of Constance in Germany, University of Pretoria, Itsoseng Clinic and the Get Informed Youth Centre, a local Nonprofit Organisation (NPO) in Tembisa.
She and her team interviewed 16 young girls in Grades 8 and 9 living in the township. “There’s not one simple narrative that explains why young girls take sugar daddies. They mentioned peer pressure … problematic interactions with younger girls at schools where they feel some pressure from older girls who are superior and arrogant and who have nice benefits from these relationships.
“It creates competition and pressure to try it out to have what the other girls have.”
But the manipulative core of these relationships is “completely ignored” in local public discourse, she believed. “This older man will meet a younger girl at a club, he’ll tell her that he wants to take her home so she can be safe. That’s how it starts. There are clearly elements of manipulation, creating some sort of trust between the girl and this older man.
“He abuses this trust. For example, he would use condoms in the beginning and then gradually stop.
“The young girls also told us they feel they are being judged by society, that they feel isolated because while they understand society doesn’t condone their behaviour it also doesn’t allow them to go anywhere for help.
“Sometimes they will have or say they have a younger boyfriend just to hide that they are dating older men - young boys also buy young girls favours. This was counterproductive.”
The term “blessers” muddied the waters, she said, with people now referring to themselves as “blessees”.
“There seems to be an interest in normalising and legitimising these relationships that can do harm to these young girls. What they experience is manipulative but it’s now called a blessing when it’s actually vile and dangerous. A blessing comes unconditionally - and that does not reflect these relationships.”
Several months ago, Health Minister Aaron Motsoaledi said the government would start a new programme to wean young girls off sugar daddies to cut new HIV infections and reduce teenage pregnancy. But campaigns like these, though well-intentioned, could miss the mark as they did not focus on gender equality.
“When we have such a strong focus on teenage pregnancy and HIV/Aids, that suggests their (older men’s) interaction with younger girls is only then problematic.
“It makes it easier for an older man who is of the opinion that he is not HIV-positive and won’t impregnate a girl because that narrative suggests his behaviour is acceptable.
“That leaves out the elements of manipulation, sexual abuse and even physical and emotional abuse.
“Instead of focusing on the behaviour of young girls, we should ask ourselves how can we respect boundaries?
“We need to develop positive identities for young people, rather than telling them what do to. They are a mirror of our society.”
SATURDAY STAR