Why mistresses have it made

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Valentine’s Day: a time of celebration (read: commercialism), appreciation (obligation) and honouring (feigning sentiment for) those you love. Or don’t.

For some, it’s an occasion to bemoan their single status as they guzzle copious quantities of alcohol in the hopes of being “up all night to get lucky” (thanks, Daft Punk).

For others, it’s an opportunity to get into the schmaltzy spirit of things with the requisite over-priced long-stemmed red roses, reservations at some or other pompous restaurant and maybe even a set of slinky lingerie thrown into the mix.

If you’re among the Kelly Khumalos of the world, however, it’s daggers rather than heart-shaped everything that will be flashing before your eyes. The singer-cum-socialite was unceremoniously dumped by her (married) baby daddy, Senzo Meyiwa, because of his disapproval of what he deemed Kelly’s “blatant flaunting” of her baby bump in that outfit at a recent awards ceremony.

Just how the Orlando Pirates goalkeeper moralises conducting an extramarital affair and impregnating his mistress, then takes exception to her daring to reveal the, er, fruits of his labour is a notion that defies all reason.

(Perhaps he had hoped the press would simply think Kelly had suddenly gained an inordinate amount of weight.)

Which is not to say Kelly is blameless for the situation in which she finds herself, particularly given her penchant for dead-beat daddy types (the father of her first child is con-victed singer turned jailbird, Molemo “Jub Jub” Maarohanye).

Yup, the gal really knows how to pick ’em.

But while Kelly seems to have lucked out in the “woman on the side” stakes, a recent survey reveals that most mistresses fare better than their married counterparts when it comes to being showered with lust and affection.

According to the infamous AshleyMadison.com site (a 17 million-member global social network for would-be adulterers wanting to step beyond the marital bedroom), cheating husbands are likely to fork out as much as double the amount on V-Day gifts for their lovers as they do for their wives.

And whereas the poor beleaguered mothers of their children are expected to express delight at the standard impersonal box of artificial-tasting chocolates handed to them before their spouses position themselves in front of the TV, these same hubbies will gladly go all out to wine and dine their respective “Marilyn Monroes” – even if it means having to do so ahead of the traditional Cupid’s arrow date.

As AshleyMadison.com founder and chief executive, Noel Biderman, explains: “February 13th isn’t a ‘Hallmark holiday’ yet, but our survey reveals a substantial amount of Valentine’s cards and gifts are given to affair partners on this day…

“So while wives hope for treats on February 14th, their husbands and their lovers are more excited about what lies in store on (what we’ve come to call) Mistress Day.”

Ah, well. Perhaps the guilt of knowing what they got up to the night before might still inspire some men to buy that diamond bracelet for their unsuspecting spouse.

After all, apparently it’s money and sex that denotes the real meaning of true love…

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