They are rich, good-looking and pampered. Mostly students at KZN’s top colleges they are indulged by their parents who seldom refuse them anything.
But, although these young women have the world at their feet, or at least the material world, they want more and they want it now. And they’re getting it by having transactional sex.
By transactional sex we mean they have sex with older, often wrinkly, men, in return for expensive gifts and a high-rolling party lifestyle with entry to the city’s most glittering events.
And while local sociologists believe these young women are looking for father figures and a greater sense of security, these girls just want to have fun.
“I don’t know how it started but this trend is all over Durban. It’s not just the poor girls who turn to prostitution these days,” said Candice Shange, a 20-year-old UKZN student.
“I have friends who do it. They think it’s easier to get what they want from older men. And I say ‘men’ because there is always more than one.”
Shange’s classmate, Anele Gwane, 20 has admitted to having a “sugar-daddy”, despite having moneyed parents.
“My parents give me the things I need. I have others to give me the things that I want. I don’t see it as prostitution. It is a relationship between two people.”
Gwane said she has never had such a “relationship” with more than one man at a time. “I would never do that. I end one relationship before I move on to another. I date men with money because I am used to having money in my life. I am used to being pampered. That is all.”
Another student, who did not want to be named, from the Durban University of Technology, was more upfront about her activities and her reasons for doing it.
“This life is expensive,” she said. “I can’t ask my parents for everything so I have to figure something else out,” she said. “I like the finer things in life. Weaves, shoes and designer bags. These are my status symbols. Without them people will judge me and treat me differently. So my friends and I have had to turn to older men.”
The DUT student admitted, too, that peer pressure played a huge part in her decision to engage in transactional sex.
“When I go out, I have to look good. When I go to campus I like to step out of an expensive car and turn heads. It’s how you become and stay popular. If people know that you come from money, you have to go the extra mile to look the part. There is a lot of pressure to be a certain way,” she said.
Andile Masinga, 22, is an unemployed graduate. She lives with her parents in Durban North and they indulge her needs, but to keep up with her friends who are still at university (or working) she has turned to older men.
“I could ask my parents for money, but it’s just easier asking somebody else. I like it when a man spoils me,” she said.
“Everybody wants to be an ‘It Girl’. That girl that everybody knows, the top socialite and that one with the most of everything. You can’t get your parents to take you to every party. They probably wouldn’t even let you go. An older man offers independence. They might give me things but they allow me freedom that my parents never could.”
Masinga is, however, ambivalent about her lifestyle choice.
“I am not ashamed because people will never say anything to my face. People call me names behind my back because they don’t approve of my lifestyle. But nobody has ever confronted me. On the other hand, men tend to brag and that can be embarrassing. Especially when a partner’s friends think they can also have a chance with me because of what he has told them.
“I don’t feel bad about sleeping with a man in exchange for something because at the end of the day, we are both happy. I am in a flashy car every day, I have my nails and hair done and I look amazing.”
Nokuzola Nxasane, 19 said that having transactional sex gives her an exclusive and enviable life.
“Not every girl can live like me. I go to the day spa almost every weekend and take trips to Joburg and Cape Town for exclusive parties and concerts,” she said.
Nxasane does not live with her parents at the moment but her father pays for her education, her rent and everything that she needs. “Yes, I have rich parents. But I also have friends. And all my friends have somebody buying them everything they need. They don’t have to wait for their parents’ paycheque to come through. It’s a new outfit every day and a new hairstyle every week. Its very tempting.”
Nxasane’s partner who goes by the name “Jimmy” sees nothing wrong with their relationship. Jimmy is 41 years old.
“If you are in a relationship with someone, it is common practice to buy them gifts. I don’t care about the cost. I have enough money for the both of us,” he said proudly.
“I care very much about Nokuzola. I give her all that she needs, drive her around and when we have sex we always use protection.”
Jimmy has other girlfriends but insists that Nxasane is his priority.
“She is the one I care for most. I buy her the most expensive and exciting things. I know she is young and I am not, but who cares?” he said.
Social policy expert and author, Dr Elias Cebekhulu, said that transactional sex is not just about money. It extends to emotional needs which are more easily met by older and more mature partners.
“Even young males are being drawn to older women these days. They might see somebody older as better company and less stress. It depends what is fashionable to that person,” he said.
But Cebekhulu was critical of transactional sex.
“It’s a very bad culture that needs to be done away with.” He also pointed out that it perpetuated the problem of HIV/Aids in the country.
“We might not be able to stop this culture, but perhaps it can be managed. We need to start at schools so that this culture does not spread to universities. Children are getting to universities having already grown up too fast. Something needs to be done about these men that take advantage of young women.”
Professor Sultan Khan, a sociologist at UKZN, said it is possible that these young women feel a sense of security with older men who might be “perceived to be more mature and stable”.
“Perhaps the young woman sees in the older man a potential father figure,” said Khan. “This tends to be the case for women originating from a broken family or have lost a father at a young age. On the other hand young women may simply love being cocooned and protected by their older partner. Sometimes the kind of treatment they receive from home also compels girls to go in for sugar daddies, especially if the relationship between the father and daughter is not healthy. Adventure-seeking could be another factor.
“Peer pressure is known as one of the most powerful forces in a young person’s life. Since these practices are condoned by their friends, it is legitimated by peers and as such becomes socially acceptable.”
Khan believes the best way to alleviate this problem is for parents to monitor their children’s behaviour from a young age.
“The relationship between father and daughter needs to be an open one, where the daughter can relate and share certain personal issues. Often such responsibility is tasked to the mother, who is expected to be the sole role model… ” he said.
“The school can also play an important role by bringing awareness about the dangers of getting into a relationship with sugar daddies and some of the consequences.”