The Tourist
DIRECTOR: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck
CAST: Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, Paul Bettany, Timothy Dalton, Rufus Sewell
CLASSIFICATION: 13MA V
RUNNING TIME: 103 minutes
RATING: HHIII
If you ever in doubt as to the meaning of the word “sashay”, watch the beginning of The Tourist.
Hips swaying, Elise Ward – well, actually, it’s Angelina Jolie – sashays down a Parisian boulevard, kitted out in a lovely haute couture ensemble, Mona Lisa smile on the lips, and all the boys go doop de doop de doop.
She glides on to a fast train out of Paris and meets a shaggy-haired, very normal Frank Tupelo. Who are we kidding, there’s nothing normal about Johnny Depp, so all the girls go aaaaaah.
They arrive in beguilingly opulent Venice to the strains of a delicate, romantic score from Thomas Newton Howard.
Frank is more hapless than heartbroken as Elise dreamily pouts her lips and contemplates someone else, while half-heartedly flirting with him.
Then some guys with guns pop up and all of a sudden night descends and a slow boat chase scene ensues. Cops, bad guys, handcuffs and a beautiful ball get thrown into the mix in fits and starts.
The score suits beautiful, luxurious Venice, but there is nothing romantic about the story of Frank and Elise.
The dramatic thriller trying to bust out of the seams of the would-be love story finds a strong beat in Paul Bettany’s Inspector John Acheson and Rufus Sewell also pops up in the oddest of places to cast his beady little eye over proceedings and then disappear into the crowd.
If you know who to look for, you will spot some good actors from non-Hollywood places. Still, all eyes fall on Jolie and Depp whenever they are on screen and then whatever momentum may have gathered is shattered.
What is weird is the lack of chemistry between the two, they’re sooooo acting and it does not work. In fact, there’s more tension in one scene, when John and Elise meet for few minutes, than in the rest of the film.
This is the heavily romanticised version of an actual setting and what used to be known as a crime thriller. The Tourist is so steeped in iconography, exquisite sets and gorgeous costumes that it forgets about story and ends up flopping about like a limp fish out of water.
Director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck helmed the award-winning Das Leben der Anderen (The Lives of Others), in which he credibly married excellent characterisation with great cloak-and-dagger shenanigans. Here, he doesn’t quite succeed.
True explorers often bemoan the influence of too many tourists on once-amazing sites.
Places become overly commercialised, bland and boring. Well, trying to make it look good just created a whole lot of nothing.
If you liked ... The Losers or The A-Team ... you will like this. - Tonight