Browsing through the British tabloids online this week, I came across a news item (if you can call it that). Pop-opera superstar and mezzo soprano Katherine Jenkins was busking on the London Underground, in an attempt to publicise her new album Daydream.
“Disguised” in an oversized and torn large red-and-white festive jersey, and donning a tatty old brown wig, Jenkins, apparently earned a whole ten quid. And because the time for giving is just around the bend, she will generously donate it to charity (how charitable).
I have just painstakingly had to listen to Jenkin’s new album which is entirely my fault for hanging around after giving it to my mother. Although fans like my mother might think she’s the best thing since ten-second microwave poached eggs, I honestly cannot stomach her.
Maybe it’s a generational thing or maybe I’m just a little bit cynical after a close encounter with the altruistic celebrity kind early this year. I helped out at a very posh event at the Sandton Convention Centre in Joburg, where the proceeds were to be donated to four well known children’s charities.
Jenkins, as the star attraction, was marketed as giving her time for free when in fact, as we on the “inside” overheard from an organiser, was being paid an enormous fee.
Not counting the mighty public relations shopping spree for her repackaged Believe album, it seemed that the whole event was designed to profit Jenkins. (Maybe she had been a very good girl that year, who knows?)
That dirty secret might be the reason I feel slightly vomitus when listening to her over arched pronunciation and twee cover versions of I Dreamed a Dream or Break It To My Heart or read about her “busking” in a train station.
Alas, it is the shopping season and the most profitable time of the year for industry releases so it is no small wonder Jenkins has a new album out. She’s very Christmasy with that wholesome smile and ample bosom. You can almost picture her as one of Santa’s little helpers, riding Rudolph and spreading festive cheer.
Other mainstream artists bringing out Christmas CDs are predictably Michael Buble with an original album title of Christmas and Andrea Boccelli with Concerto: One Night in Central Park, which is already sailing high on the charts.
Most Christmas songs are predictably corny and generally spewed forth from corny artists. Take the queen of cheesy schlock, Mariah Carey’s 1994 hit All I want for Christmas is You, which rides high in the Billboard charts this year due to both Buble and Bieber covers of the track. She doesn’t even need to get out of bed to make money this December.
In my personal search to find music with a Christmas theme and that left the saccharine out of the soda pop, I came across a few stunners.
JOHN LENNON – Happy Xmas (War is Over)
Produced by Phil Spector (interestingly Jewish), Lennon’s uplifting and evocative call to lay down arms and get American troops out of Vietnam is as poignant today as it was 40 years ago.
THE BEACH BOYS – Little Saint Nick
Their famously dancey Little Deuce Coup with different lyrics is a great post Christmas lunch boogie to work off all that rum and raisin.
BAND AID – Do They Know It’s Christmas
The celebrity musician packed track that gave birth to Live Aid, featuring Boy George, Bono, Phil Collins and George Michael to name a few, has to be one of the most duplicitous songs ever to released by do-gooding artists.
Featuring the now infamously bewildering line “Tonight thank God it’s them instead of you”, the song is as mysteriously philanthropic as the controversy over the distribution and tallying of funds generated by Live Aid throughout the years. (See the fantastic documentary Starsuckers which can be viewed on Youtube)
WEIRD AL YANKOVIC – The Night Santa Went Crazy
Enough said. You have to hear it to believe it.
THE FROGS – Here Comes Santa’s P***y and Have a Merry Xmas
Both tracks are equally controversial. One a reflection on a very dirty Santa while the latter, a poignantly sad tale of an old man’s lost desires.
SUFJAN STEVENS – Silent Night
The master of bright sided melancholy, nothing quite beats Stevens’ silent introspection packaged as a beautiful black balloon.
FLORENCE & THE MACHINE – Last Christmas
Yes, it’s a Wham cover but boy does Flo know how to rework a song – machine magic. - Sunday Tribune