I caught my teen watching porn

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verve web internet porn

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Anyone who has ever caught a teenager looking at porn on the internet knows the feeling of shock and disbelief.

Anita (not her real name) woke up to the dangers of internet porn when by chance she checked “history” to find a website she had visited a week earlier, only to discover a plethora of porn sites.

“I nearly died. I clicked through to see exactly what my teenage boy had been watching. It was just disgusting. Threesomes. Oral sex. Masturbation. Videos. Hard core pictures. I was horrified.”

Anita thought she was a savvy parent. She and her husband, a teacher, were determined to control the internet. At an early stage, they tied up the children’s computer.

When their eldest daughter got her own PC, they took over the administrator level and installed security software so she would not be able to access or download adult content without their consent. She complained: “It’s my computer!” They parried: “It’s our internet!”

Their two boys, aged 14 and 12, were into different things: one, sport; the other, stock car racing on YouTube. Soon competition over the shared computer became a major issue.

“Can I use your computer to check homework on the internet?” her elder son asked Anita one evening. She agreed.

“I forgot something very important. There were no parental controls on my machine. I had purposely taken them off so it would work faster,” said Anita.

It became a habit for her son to use her computer, first for his homework, and then after a while for checking his Facebook account. At Christmas time, as Anita looked at the list of XXX sites on the history, she realised that wasn’t all he had been accessing.

That night, she and her husband confronted their son and he admitted he’d been looking at porn for months.

“I just went with a gut reaction, and said to him: ‘Would you like to see me doing those kind of things, or your sister? They are real people.’ I was very cross and upset. I heard that you shouldn’t get emotional. I’m afraid I did.”

There is an infinity of porn on the internet, and more and more children are viewing it.

A Unicef online survey of 509 young people showed that more than half (54 percent) had watched porn on the internet, with a significant percentage (36 percent) believing that what they saw was “accurate and/or educational”.

Most people will admit that at some stage in their life they have looked at porn. Is it really harmful or just a natural stage in growing up?

Dr Martin O’Sullivan specialises in adolescent psychiatry. He says viewing pornography is a hidden issue.

“While adolescent males were always exposed to porn, there is a different order of exposure now and we don’t know what impact that will have in the long run.”

O’Sullivan says pornography is “highly addictive” and through it, he fears, many men will retreat into a “virtual world”.

“Far from helping them to form relationships, excessive porn use is likely to deaden the impulse to form meaningful relationships which require patience, consideration and growth.”

Professor of psychiatry Patricia Casey says the danger of looking at porn is that it can initiate teenagers into early sexual behaviour. “It also gives them a distorted image of women as sexual objects.”

While the area of sex addiction is “controversial and unclear”, for children who do not have other “healthy outlets” the lure of porn can be “compelling”. It can also be an indicator of early sexualisation and abuse.

When it comes to the internet, parents must be vigilant. It is part of their parental responsibility, says Stephen Cardy from Focus on the Family, a Christian marriage and parenting service.

“We have good reason to protect our children from getting into danger. When they are adults and want to have children of their own, we don’t want them to have regrets and reasons why they can’t connect and have proper relationships.”

– Irish Independent

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WHAT TO DO IF YOUR TEENAGER IS WATCHING PORN

1 Have a united approach as parents. Lead by example.

2 Have a calm chat at a later stage (not in the heat of the moment).

3 Explain that it is normal to be curious about sex.

4 Identify women as people rather than sexual objects.

5 Explore links between porn and criminal activity.

6 Explain sexuality in the context of a loving relationship.

7 Explain the damage that viewing pornography can cause.

8 Establish firm boundaries in relation to internet use.

9 Be ready to experience and face up to periods of conflict.

10 Urge them to develop other healthy hobbies.


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Red Bull, wrote

IOL Comments
09:11am on 13 February 2012
IOL Comments

Yes, I agree, empower our teenagers. Talk openly about subjects such as sex, hiv, std's. If you haven't noticed, this generation of kids are actually very clued up, advanced and intelligent. Its the Parents who are stuck in the 1910's. It's the type of parenting that is wrong with our society. Couples or individuals should actually go for a crash course in parenting before they become Parents. There are Parents who fail their kids every day, with just having a narrowminded view on life. How long are you going to "protect" and "keep your kids" away from what is happening in the real world. I know of a woman who will never talk to her 11 year old son about sex. When is the right time? His friends are already talking about it, wouldnt it be better if the subject was discussed with you, as a Parent first? I would never want my kids to learn about sex and porn and everything that goes with it, from their peers. My parents never spoke about sex to me, but that doesnt mean i have to follow in their style of parenting. So many parents fall into the trap of "What my Parents did" rather than what they should actually do with their own kids. You are not your parents, so swallow your embarrassment and be broadminded about this. Stop being Prudish. The missionary position is not the only sexual position that is "normal" And you dont only "do it in the dark" Sex is an exciting subject, talk openly about it to your kids, and stop the hogwash that the stork delivered them!! Be honest about conception from the beginning. I was. My teenage kids don't get "excited" when they come across porn that their peers share with them. My kids are not curious about sex because they know as much as they need to know about it, and they learn more everyday. Education in any subject shouldn't stop just because you had the talk about the "birds and bees" Your kids should not grow up thinking sex is BAD, because it is not. God created male and female for a purpose. Mating is natural as breathing air. This teacher who went off the rails just because her teenage son was watching porn needs to be more educated on how to raise children. I would be very disappointed if she was a teacher to one of my kids. She is obviously lacking in parental skills. Imagine "tying" up her childrens PC's. WOW. That is not only going on the extreme, but morbid as well. Can she "tie" up her sons mobile phone? I feel sorry for her husband, he must be watching Porn as well......monkey see monkey do. The more you stop your kids from doing something, the more they want to do it....but Parenting is all about family dymanics and what kind of relationship you have with your children. A parent should be more than a caregiver and provider. While I am not saying that you should be your childs best friend, as a Parent, you should be the first one your child comes to for advice and help. If your child does not do that, then you should question your method of parenting. Being too strict, staunch and set in old fashioned ways will have your kids going elsewhere for advice and help. Which kid wants to talk to a "stuck up" parent? Or a parent that is not interested in their kids everyday life, whether in school or out of it. A family that eats together, stays together, in every sense of the word. Parents who are too shy to talk to their children about sex are Parents who are bringing up kids who will eventually end up subscribing and addicted to porn. If the topic of sex is in your face all the time, just by watching Bold and Beautiful, and your kids already know everything there is to know about the subject, the word sex or the image of it just becomes another general issue and topic. I agree, Empower our teenagers. Stop curiosity in its tracks. Teach our kids Sex education at School at an early age. I read recently that a 7 year old raped his classmate!!!!!! One would wonder, what does a 7 year old know about Sex...but from this news report, he knew enough to put his penis somewhere. I say, Bring Sex education into the classrooms.... NOW. This would be a relief to 80% of Prudish parents, who choke on the word.

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Dont blow too much steam for nothing..., wrote

IOL Comments
08:04am on 13 February 2012
IOL Comments

Parents who go off the rails just becos they caught their teenage kids watching porn should get councelling themselves. Most cell phones have internet access, so besides them having their outdated PC's, they can still access porn on their mobile phones. As a parent, you cannot control this. What you can do is stop flipping your eyeballs, and be broadminded about it. If you are open to talk to your teenage kids about sex and relationships, Porn will be like a walk in the park. I should know, i speak about sex to my teenage daughter every chance I get. And when my 6 year old son already knows what sex is, just from watching television "during the day" so Daytime television also expose our kids to this. Porn is going to be there in our lives forever. As parents, we just need to know how to deal with it and how to empower our children. If you are a prudish parent, then your kids will no doubt grow up to be very curious and will end up freqenting the brothels. I say, empower your kids now so that they know what sexual pleasure is all about in a committed loving relationship, and that they define Porn for the mediocre who can't find a satisfying sexual relationship with their partners. These men who can't jerk off in the normal way, all go to Jane. Yes, they then Jerk off with Jane. So parents, please Empower your kids. The subject of Sex should not be taboo.

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Jerk off with Jane, wrote

IOL Comments
03:29am on 12 February 2012
IOL Comments

"5 Explore links between porn and criminal activity." there are non - this is a silly comment. the best advice is share you kink when you are in a loving relationship. why hide something as private your favorite fetish... Too many Men in a married, loving relationship hide what really turns them on and too many women act like anything other than missionary is obscene... this is the largest factor in poorly developed adult relationships. I know, I talk to 1000s of married men a month :)

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Anonymous, wrote

IOL Comments
09:45am on 11 February 2012
IOL Comments

When I was 14 we looked at playboy back in the day with Bo Derek. We also looked at more hardcore porn magazines even though in the 80's they were illegal and were smuggled into SA. I believe it is all a natural curiosity while growing up as a teenage boy. What I do believe though is that we need to teach our children the proper way to have a relationship with the opposite sex both mentally, spiritually and physically. We cannot stop them from seeing porn wherever they are. Just teach them the right way to respect each other and love each other in a loving relationship.

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RandomCitizen, wrote

IOL Comments
01:47pm on 10 February 2012
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mmm... i say in todays times with every 12 year old owning a phone just how do you plan on stopping this?? its bound to happen all you can count on is how you raised your child.

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Anonymous, wrote

IOL Comments
09:43am on 10 February 2012
IOL Comments

yhoo! not easy raising a up a teeneger

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Gadaffi, wrote

IOL Comments
09:18am on 10 February 2012
IOL Comments

You need to worry about any tennage boy who doesnt check out porn

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I'm a 30 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 26 and 32.
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shiva709
I'm a 56 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 45 and 56.
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I'm a 48 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 26 and 37.
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I'm a 23 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 23 and 30.
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mixido2
I'm a 39 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 18 and 35.
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I'm a 33 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 21 and 35.
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I'm a 37 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 25 and 30.
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chumisto
I'm a 34 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 18 and 100.
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ngla35
I'm a 38 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 18 and 100.
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loner729
I'm a 40 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 25 and 45.
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Jb24golf
I'm a 40 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 32 and 38.
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charged
I'm a 40 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 25 and 35.
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mcD
I'm a 39 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 25 and 40.
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dlalo
I'm a 44 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 18 and 100.
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THOKZANHLA
I'm a 44 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 25 and 44.
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jakobus
I'm a 34 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 18 and 100.
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lookingforfunza
I'm a 36 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 20 and 40.
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Oupa0414
I'm a 29 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 25 and 33.
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GD1
I'm a 70 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 55 and 65.
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I'm a 45 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 25 and 55.
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I'm a 45 year old man looking to meet women between the ages of 30 and 45.
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