File image: IOL.
File image: IOL.

JOHANNESBURG - Stress hormones debilitate success. What, pray, say you, could be the solution. 

Conversational Intelligence is called for. This skill, the golden thread to communication, resulting in success in the workplace and in our private lives, is the global first-aid kit for success and the glue that will keep our relationships together. 

When we feel emotionally rejected and trampled on, our reaction is to withdraw. This is caused by cortisol, our stress hormone. What we require is to develop the trusting, communicative and empathetic hormone, oxytocin, to listen and communicate wisely. 

We’ve all known, or might be, or have worked for, a boss who never listens to their team but tells them what to do. That manager is thriving on dopamine, the reward hormone, without understanding the reasons for sales slipping and staff not performing as they should. 


iol-24-fraser how to communicate.mp3

This boss, or spouse, needs to learn to LISTEN and develop the art of Intelligent Conversation – in other words, their oxytocin needs a boost and maintenance to encourage empathy and wisdom in others. 

A peer coach in the UK is coaching Conversational Intelligence in the House of Commons and many Fortune 500 companies are now utilising these empowering skills with astounding results. Says Fraser Carey of the Conversational intelligence (C-IQ)) Masterclass, Life by Choice – and co-founder of the School of Etiquette in South Africa: “We too often lament how our family, partners and colleagues interrupt, criticise and ignore our attempts at communicating. “This leads to constant bickering and frustrations, typical behaviour when we feel unappreciated and disrespected. In simple terms, our cortisol levels are high, resulting in low trust, commonly known as Level ! in Conversational Intelligence terms. “Conversational Intelligence is based on upping our oxytocin levels, the hormone that helps us gain insight, understanding, and most importantly, trust of sharing success. 

By developing the simple skill of listening before dictating, we can train ourselves to ditch the cortisol hormone of talking and dictating with no regard for our colleagues or fellow man, to improve our oxytocin levels, resulting in shared success, truth telling, being co-creative and trusting.” 

Having spent many years as a successful businessman* turned motivational and corporate speaker specialising in protocol and communications skills, Fraser’s current seminar is geared to bring self-esteem and successful communications skills into our lives, thereby creating a forum for not only success in the workplace but in our personal lives too.