What are your thoughts on Valentine’s Day – should we observe it on that one day, or should every day be ‘Love Day’?

Well, for the sake of keeping up my reputation as a hopeless romantic (cough), I will say that every day should be a celebration of love. But the truth is, flower prices are crazy right now, so once a year is more financially viable.

Valentine’s Day and lame pick-up lines often go hand in hand. What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve ever heard?

“I’ve just changed my ringtone. Could you give me a missed call so I can hear how it’s sounding now?”

Was that a pick-up line you tried to use?

No, it was a friend of mine. Honest.

Commercially, Valentine’s Day is synonymous with the winged bow and arrow-carrying Cupid. If Cupid was a South African Home Affairs bureaucrat charged with processing love applications, how do you think it would play out?

I recently damaged my ID book quite badly and am awaiting a re-issue. I can’t say anything negative about Home Affairs until I get it. Home Affairs will read this – they read every paper, every day.

Your most embarrassing Valentine’s Day drama was…

In Standard 5 (Grade 7) I had a mad crush on a girl called Lacretia Davids. I bought her the most ornate chocolate you have ever seen. It had 3D Cupids and played music and everything.

She had an allergic reaction to the type of chocolate used. Blisters and gum boils for Valentine’s – thanks, Neil!

If you had to arrange a romantic dinner at home you would have…

Music: Amel Larrieux and Glenn Lewis’s What’s Come Over Me, or Sweetback featuring Maxwell’s Softly Softly, or anything by 2 Live Crew playing in the background.

Food: A light meal – finger snacks. Samp and beans will send a lady straight to sleep.

Atmosphere: Burning incense and carefully chosen ladies’ health magazine articles always set the mood.

Complete the sentence: Love is…

A dish best served cold.

After several years on the comedy scene, Green stands out as one of Durban’s most popular comedy acts. A prolific comedy writer, his sharp wit, commanding stage presence and hilariously honest, introspective brand of comedy have won him many fans.

Green launched his highly successful one-man comedy show, I’m Ill!, at the BAT Centre in 2012, and has been on the rise ever since. He has shared the stage with some of the country’s top comedians, including Richelieu Beaunoir, Dusty Rich, Jem Atkins, Glen Bo and Neville Pillay.

You can catch Green and fellow stand-up comedians Atkins and Masood Boomgard in the Dinner and Late Night Comedy Show at the Catalina Theatre (Wilson’s Wharf) from Friday.

l R140 gets you a meal at John Dory’s and access to the show. R80 for show only at Computicket. 10pm. Dinner bookings: 031 304 7669. For more information, e-mail [email protected]