Star rating: **
Director: Robert Harmon
Cast: Laura Regan, Marc Blucas, Ethan Embry, Dagmara Dominczyk
Running time: 89 min
Age restriction: 16
There's nothing like a good scary movie to keep you on your toes. The adrenaline courses through your body, and every little bump in the night makes your heart lurch alarmingly.
Sometimes you may even let out a little shriek - although, if you're a serious movie reviewer, you cover this with a coughing attack.
Don't expect anything like this when you watch They. It is probably one of the most boring horror movies in recent memory. The biggest shock of the movie is getting your eyes accustomed to the sharp light when you emerge from the darkened cinema.
A good horror movie has something that haunts your dreams and makes you catch your breath when the wind blows your bedroom window shut - whether its Freddy Krueger or simply creepy little children.
They brings us menacing oil stains, brooding storm clouds and inkblots that move mysteriously. Psychology students will be intrigued. For the rest, though, if this was supposed to be implied terror, it didn't work.
Part of the problem is the characters, who are boring beyond redemption. They're basically props who run and scream.
Ethan Embry has gone from wooing Jennifer Love Hewitt in Can't Hardly Wait to third billing in this stinker - and his performance here shows why. Regan's complete lack of spark as an actress makes things no better.
The plot is woven around a trio of young adults who delve into the world of nocturnal monsters with the help of their late friend's journal. It's an interesting enough premise, but Robert Harmon's uninspired direction sucks any glimmer of hope from it.
His standard approach to horror is simple: every time a character is left alone, something bad happens. Horror fans will be insulted. Today's precocious teenagers will find little to titillate. Indeed, if ever you needed a dark place away from parental eyes to kiss your partner, the back of the cinema during a screening of They will be as safe as any.