The Wooden Shoe

I've driven past the tiny Wooden Shoe often, but have always been too intimidated to venture inside. Window glimpses showed a heavy-set moustached character with muscular arms brandishing knives, who reminded me of the strongman in a Russian circus.

As it turns out, those arms belong to Austrian chef/owner Willi Reichl, and you can find them behind the grill most nights. Willi's one-man show includes shopping, sauce-making, basting and grilling; he even soaks up regulars' stories as barman.

His only help in this 32-seater is a waitress and two ladies running a tiny scullery, salad and chip-making area. Enter the Wooden Shoe and you're transported through a time warp to 1961.

Despite numerous changes of proprietorship since then, original wooden clogs line cottage-style pine panelling with lights fashioned into red sailing ships.

There are dusty fake flowers, Delft plates, postcards from exotic shores and overseas number plates. A log-panelled bar overlooking Willi's cooking area has a tacky windmill perched on top.

Amazingly, even the butter is clog-shaped. The menu is a similarly nostalgic journey to 80s steakhouse standards and artery-clogging extras. Starters are limited to deep-fried or covered in cream.

Hence crumbed button mushrooms are tastily tender, as are calamari rings, both served curiously with tartare sauce (each R23.50).

For variety, we try a very ordinary bacon (spelled "beacon") and spinach salad (R28.95), made with cheaper bacon off-cuts, croutons and iceberg under chopped Swiss chard.

Belgian Stella Artois on tap is a nice touch, except that they're out of stock. Little effort has been put into the wine list, but I suspect the clientele likes it that way.

It's dominated by dated favourites such as Boschendal Blanc de Blanc (R64.50), Bellingham Premier Grand Cru (R53.50) and Nederburg Baronne (R68.50).

Service has a similar pared down feel: the job is done without fuss or frills. It's main courses where the performance steps up a notch, and red meat is king.

Burgers (R38.50), linefish (R84.50) and crumbed chicken breasts (R67.50) are options, but most customers ignore the dated garnishes and eat steaks, stroganoff, goulash or schnitzels.

We order a reasonably priced yet sizeable springy ladies' rump (R68.50), a larger men's sirloin (R72.50), plus an excellent sauce (R13.95) of fresh button mushrooms and cream.

Willi says steaks are generally matured three weeks on the carcass.

The crumbed Vienna Schnitzel (R68.50) is recommended over the Hungarian creamy paprika sauce version. We see why with flattened pieces as big as the plate, drenched in fatty flavour but excellent.

The pepper steak (R88.50) is another highlight, prepared in the traditional Hollandse biefstuk manner. A thick fillet in ground pepper is panfried, flambéed in red wine, with cream and gravy added.

We can't finish the chips on the table - one bowl is returned for extra frying - and very good homemade spätzle noodles tossed in butter.

We're left pondering how we ever ate this way in previous decades, as dessert is out of the question.

As Roger Whittaker croons, we confirm there are no takers for brandy tart, coupe Othello (ice cream with strawberries), chocolate pancake with ice cream, sundaes or Don Pedros, all priced at R20.

Our coffees take a while to filter through the domestic machine but there's a convivial atmosphere with bar stools full. It adds to the quirky experience, as do the politically incorrect pin-up girls in the men's loo.

Certainly The Wooden Shoe isn't somewhere you'd be able to eat at often, but it offers an atmospheric freeze-frame in a frequently franchised world.

The Wooden Shoe

Restaurant category: Continental and Dutch steakhouse, city.

Address: Corner Main and St John's roads, Sea Point. 021 439 4435

Open: Dinner daily 6pm-10.30pm in summer, Wed to Mon in winter.

Chef: Willi Reichl.

Wine: Small and inexpensive but uninspired list with brands that have been around a while.

Grouped under styles with no vintages mentioned. A good place to pay R15 corkage and BYO.

Vibe: Intimate and casual, regulars eat at the bar stools. Visitors and locals from the continent are common. Golden oldie tunes from the 1960s-1980s.

Vegetarian: No.

Smoking: Not officially.

Wheelchairs: Not officially.

Loos: Cramped and small. The towel dispenser is above the toilet in the ladies; girlie pin-ups feature in the men's.

Who ate? Four adults.

When? Busy Sunday dinner.

Cards: Major.

Spend: Three courses excluding drinks and service: R108 - R170.

Value: Good.

VERDICT

Food: 3.5/6

Wine: 2.5/5