Question: My fiancee and I have planned a wedding with only a few dozen people and it will be meaningful and not extravagant.
My best friend since high school is typically not dating anyone, and wasn't until a month or two before we sent out our wedding invitation.
So, for her, we didn't say "and guest." I figured she would be fine alone because she knows my family well and has other friends coming as guests.
She is now really into the guy and says it would "mean a lot to her" if she could bring him. Not only does this throw off our plans and cost us more money but this would open the floodgates, and I resent the pressure.
Answer: Normally with wedding quandaries, behavior starts to get so extreme and polarized so as to create caricatures. But here, to me, a best friend saying that it would "mean a lot to her" is an earnest and heartfelt request that deserves special consideration.
I completely understand it's an inconvenience – your frustration is not in the wrong.
But it also wouldn't be wrong to consider that your close friend who usually doesn't date has someone meaningful in her life now, and that goes well with the spirit of celebration.
Plus, your wedding seems a great size for this accommodation: not so small that an extra, non-acquainted guest would wreck the vibe, but not so large that any "floodgates" will be more than a trickle.
It's a cost-benefit analysis, and though weddings often call for a hard line, given her closeness to you, I'd encourage some wiggle.
* Bonior, a Washington-area clinical psychologist, writes a weekly relationships advice column in The Washington Post's Express daily tabloid.