Having matching donor organs in case anything happens to me is a true blessing. #HappyFathersDay
If my daughter proves she can take care of the Fire Ants I got her, we’ll get her the damn kitten.
You can tell me. We’re married. You once drove me to the hospital when you were giving birth. So. what the fuck happened to Emily? https://t.co/W5vWQI9TVr
Can’t decide between a midnight blue minivan with all wheel drive and foldable rear seats or a coffin.
I wish. I could use a little “me time”. https://t.co/S6kXFsWaMe
Nothing better than the simple joys of finding 5 bucks in an old pair of pants, or discovering my wife and I had a second daughter over a year ago.
My kids tried to surprise me for my birthday this morning. I totally heard them coming and snuck out to start a new life somewhere else.
My daughter loves being buried up to her neck in sand at the beach. Her little face lights up when I come back to get her the next day.