Want to live longer, enjoy life more and actually find that elusive happiness?
Face-to-face social interaction leads to a longer life
Smoking, drinking, exercise and even heart problems are not predictors of a person’s longevity — a person’s close relationships and social integration were. That’s what psychologist Susan Pinker has discovered in researching the impact that our human connections have on all aspects of our well-being, including our physical health. Those with intimacy in their lives, those with support systems and frequent face-to-face interactions were not only physically and emotionally healthier, but they also lived longer.
It’s why women, who tend to prioritise spending time with their friends more than men, live an average of six years longer, Pinker said. And it’s not enough to text or email. The actual health benefits of socializing are only achieved through in-person contact, she said.
“Face-to-face contact releases a whole cascade of neurotransmitters and, like a vaccine, they protect you now in the present and well into the future,” she said.
Knowing when to turn off your smartphone enriches your life
Adam Alter, professor of marketing and psychology at New York University, has studied the impact all our screen time is having on our lives. People who spend time on social networks, dating apps and even online news sites reported being less happy. And the technology has taken away what Alter calls our “stopping cues.” Most things we do for pleasure, like reading a book or watching a movie, have an end. But scrolling on the phone is endless and we don’t know when to break away.
Alter found that those who did set finite rules for their technology use — like never using it at the dinner table or putting it on airplane mode when you’re out on the weekends (so you can access the camera but not the Internet) — were able to enjoy life more.
“Life becomes more colourful, richer, you have better conversations, you connect with the person who is there with you,” he said.
Chasing meaning, not happiness, is what really matters
The quest for happiness doesn’t make us happy. In fact, Emily Esfahani Smith realized that constantly evaluating our own happiness is actually contributing to feelings of hopelessness and depression. Happiness is a fickle emotion, fleeting, based on a moment or an experience. What’s really making us feel sad is not a lack of happiness, it’s lack of meaning, she said.
Smith, author of the new book The Power of Meaning, said that after five years of interviewing hundreds of people, she discovered that meaning can be derived in four forms: belonging, purpose, transcendence and storytelling.
The first is exactly what it sounds like — prioritizing the people in your life who truly love and care about you. The second is having purpose. Most people find purpose through work because it’s how we feel like we’re adding value or contributing. But, she said, “that also means disengagement at work, unemployment, low labor force participation, these aren’t just economic problems, they are existential ones too. Without something worthwhile to do, people flounder.” So finding something to drive you forward, whether it’s work or something else, is a crucial slice of having meaning.
Transcendence is about finding something that can take you outside of yourself, that can make you feel like you’re part of something bigger. For some that’s art or church, she said. It could be walking in nature or doing yoga.
With storytelling, that’s all about our personal narratives. What is the story we tell ourselves about ourselves?
“We’re the author of our stories,” she said, “and we can change how we’re telling them. Your life isn’t just a list of events.”
-The Washington Post