1. Sex could be the ultimate de-stresser
New research shows that, "Penetrative sex is associated with better psychological functions," according to psychologist Dr Stuart Brody. In one study,"Men and women who had intercourse had a better stress response," says Dr Brody, who accounted for dozens of variables, including how satisfied the subjects were in their relationships.
Guess that athlete ritual of abstinence before a big game is hogwash. (Could this be the answer for SA's sporting heroes?) But before you hop into the sack to prepare for a big meeting, know this: least-stressed subjects had penetrative sex and abstained from other sexual activity, including masturbation and oral sex. There's always a catch, isn't there?
2. Opposites don't attract
Yet another old cliche? squashed: a study of almost 300 newlyweds found that couples with similar personalities were the most likely to be happy.
3. Nice girls do send naughty SMSes
From flirty pre-blind date "What are you wearing?" messages to notes strategically planning sex around a routine, sexy SMSes have gone mainstream, says relationship expert Regina Lynn. "SMSing is a great, discreet seduction tool, especially for anyone who likes being playful with words," she says. "I'm the queen of dirty SMSes," says Angela. "I sit in meetings and write to my lover - an instant thrill." SMSing is casual enough to allow you to sidestep some of the usual coyness in the early stages of dating. "As soon as you have the numbers it can start," says Regina. Take baby steps, she counsels. "Don't begin with explicitly erotic text. Nudge it along gently and take your time."
4. The G-sport is so 2006. Try the PS-spot
PS stands for perineal sponge, a hot spot that's been popping up on sex blog discussions. This spongy tissue is located under the perineum (the spot between your genitals and your butt) on men and women. "It's erotically sensitive on its own, plus it interacts withensation from the nearby vagina and anus," says sexologist Carol Queen. The trick to stimulating the PS-spot, Carol says, is to gently push on the area rhythmically,using fingers or creative positioning. "It lies beneath the surface, so stroking won't do it." But, she warns, "While this is pleasurable for many, it may not work for everyone."
5. Porn works just as well on women
Both men and women get turned on within 30 seconds of watching X-rated stuff, according to a new study. So, if you've always written off porn as a dirty guy habit, try it. You might be surprised.
6. It's width, not length that counts
Now there's something else for guys to get a complex about: most women find a thicker penis more satisfying than a longer one. In a survey, 90 percent of women interviewed reported that the width felt better, while 10 percent preferred length. "Width may be more important because a thicker base provides greater clitoral stimulation," says survey author Dr Russell Eisenman. "And it fills up the vagina to put interior pressure on the clitoris." But measurements aren't everything. "Many studies found that the vagina adapts to fit the size of the penis, whether it's long, thin, short or wide," says Dr Eisenman. Phew.
7. There's a dirty-dialling epidemic on the rise
According to a new study, 30 percent of men and 43 percent of women say they'd consider picking up a ringing phone during sex. Phones have become a veritable sex toy: "My boyfriend and I were in the act when my phone rang," says Mary. "After the third time, I checked caller ID and saw that it was a friend who'd be tickled at the idea of talking to me during sex, so I answered. While I spoke to her, my boyfriend found a creative position that was incredibly pleasurable and discreet." Sheesh. We say, unless one of the people involved is a head of state (or, okay, Wentworth Miller), turn off all devices - and please wait a decent cuddling interval afterwards before checking your messages!
8. We're suckers for a sexy voice
The more attractive a guy's voice, the more sexual partners he's likely to have had, according to one study. "There's an evolutionary reason for this; for most of human history, before artificial lighting, people were reliant on voice as a way to discern sex appeal at night," says psychology professor Dr Gordon Gallup Jr. (The study also found that men with appealing voices tend to have broad shoulders and narrow hips,both of which are a signal of high testosterone levels.) And that's why Marvin Gaye and Barry White, cliche? or not, are the best choices for seductive music.
9. Men fake it too!
What most flabbergasted Cynthia W Gentry,co-author of What Men Really Want In Bed (Fair Winds, R174),when she was doing interview after interview to compile research for her book? The fact that 52 percent of the men she surveyed admitted to having faked an orgasm. "It was really interesting," she says. "Most of them said that they did it because they felt their partner expected an orgasm and they had to deliver one."
10. Your sex drive may be genetic
Thank your parents for your libido,or lack of it. Researchers have found that variants in the genes are linked to differences in desire. "We live in a society where there's almost a stigma attached if you don't want sex all the time," says study author Dr Richard Ebstein. "But our research suggests that it may come down to genetic wiring."
According to the study, about 30 percent of us are genetically programmed to be more easily turned on, while 60 percent are naturally harder to rev up. (Isn't it nice to know that only 10 percent of us are "normal"?)
11. Sleep-sexing is real
"Around five percent of adults exhibit sexual behaviour in their sleep," says psychologist Dr Michael Mangan. The behaviour can be anything from masturbation to intercourse, he says, and often the patient has no recollection of it. "These people are afraid of going to sleep on a plane," says Dr Mangan. Luckily, the condition is highly treatable. He suggests, "Medicine and therapy, and working to avoid triggers like alcohol use, stress and fatigue."
12. Threesomes are driving happy couples into therapy
Therapist Dr Joy Davidson says more and more couples are turning to counselling to deal with the fallout of having had a threesome. "It could be one of a dozen things that went wrong," she says. "Maybe one person felt jealous, or one liked it more and wants to make it a regular thing. It can start to feel like a twosome isn't physically or emotionally satisfying." But Joy notes that not all threesomes cause problems. If you're able to talk openly and neither of you is the jealous type, "This can be an exciting addition to your repertoire," she says.
13. Sex is less risky if he's circumcised
A recently published study of more than 500 men over 25 years found that the uncircumcised have triple the risk of getting an STI. "Circumcision may significantly reduce the risk of a man's acquiring an STI," confirms associate clinical professor of surgery, Dr Jeffrey Schouten. So you're generally safer sleeping with a man who's gone under the knife than dating an uncircumcised guy? No - always use condoms (which you're doing anyway, right?).
14. There's a reason we fall for rock stars?
Or even just guys with garage bands. The more creative a person is, the more sexual partners he or she is likely to have, according to a study. Researchers found that artists and poets have about twice as many bedmates as those with more mundane occupations. The reason for this may be twofold, say researchers. First, creative men tend to be very charismatic and produce art and poetry that grab women's interest. They're also more likely to have bohemian lifestyle, which means they're more inclined to act on sexual impulses and opportunities. Yes, please, Justin Timberlake, feel free!
15. You size him up in three seconds flat
Researchers evaluated 10 000 male and female speed daters and discovered that the vast majority had made their decisions to vote yes or no on potential mates. "Based on characteristics like age, weight and facial attractiveness - not factors like religion, education or sense of humour, which take longer to tease out," says psychologist Dr Robert Kurzban.
"This may explain why people say they're looking for one kind of person, and then choose another." Lesson learned: trust your gut, but try to stay open minded (at least long enough for a second date).