Mariella Frostrup has been accused of double standards for suggesting a woman should dump her lover due to his low sex drive.
The TV and radio presenter was replying in her agony aunt column to a letter from a reader in her 20s asking how to deal with her older boyfriend’s lower libido.
Miss Frostrup, 54, has been criticized for replying ‘Why should you?’ and suggesting that the woman’s partner of over two years needs to ‘sharpen up his act’ or she should find a ‘better match’.
Offended readers of her ‘Dear Mariella’ page questioned whether the same advice would be given if the gender roles were reversed. One posted online: ‘Would Mariella be telling a woman with low libido to “sharpen up her act”? I think not. In fact she’d possibly be making exactly the same comment about the man with regard to working with her lack of desire for sex.’
Mariella Frostrup has been accused of double standards for suggesting a woman should dump her lover due to his low sex drive. PICTURE: Dear Mariella
Another commented: ‘….when it is the man who has the higher sex drive, I really don’t see Mariella saying to the man, in effect, “Unless she gets her act together and ‘puts out’ a lot more often, then dump her – get a more highly-sexed girlfriend”, which appears to be the gist of the advice here.
‘Reversing the genders show just how insensitive Mariella has been.’
The woman was seeking advice about her relationship with her long-term boyfriend who is eight years older than her. She wrote: ‘We have a great relationship, he makes me laugh constantly and we’re pretty much on the same page about everything in life. The only thing I’m struggling with is his lower sex drive.
‘We’ve spoken about it loads and he’s promised it’s just how he is and it’s not me, but my self-esteem has taken a massive knock and I’m finding it hard to believe the things he says are true.
‘I know I’m not as attractive as his last girlfriend so I can’t help feeling maybe he’s just not as attracted to me.
‘It’s so hard when the internet is full of stories of men having higher libidos, but never women. Is there anything I can do to help myself just get used to it?’ she wrote. Miss Frostrup, who presents BBC Radio 4’s Open Book, responded in her Observer magazine column, suggesting that the man needed to be willing to get help if he was to keep his ‘gorgeous, clever, witty, intelligent capable young’ girlfriend.
She wrote: ‘Now here you are writing to me and asking how to learn to live with your boyfriend’s less than satisfying sex drive. It’s tempting to say, “Why should you?” and naturally there’s a part of me that thinks exactly that. He’s a lucky guy to have you and he may just need to sharpen up his act if he’s going to keep you,’ she concluded.
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One reader referred to a reader’s dilemma from October in which a 27 year old woman said she was no longer interested in sex and her boyfriend found it hurtful.
Miss Frostrup replied: ‘Expecting every element of a relationship to be perfect is where so many of us come unstuck …You won’t be the first person to discover a relationship rich in cerebral content but lower on animal attraction.’