Why sleeping in separate beds is good for your sex life and marriage
London - Separate beds aren’t a sign of marital strife — they’re the key to better health and a happier relationship.
Or so suggests a survey, which showed that one in six couples has resorted to sleeping apart not because they can’t stand each other, but because they’re desperate for a decent night’s sleep.
One party’s snoring, fidgeting, or simply the fact that they crawl in at midnight when the other person bedded down hours before, can leave couples craving what’s been emotively dubbed a "sleep divorce".
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the report was conducted by a mattress company — but some experts agree with its findings.
Not only that, they say breaking up a relationship at bedtime should be encouraged.
Dr Neil Stanley has been conducting sleep research for 35 years - and sleeping not just in a separate bed, but in a different room, from his partner for almost as long. "I’m the world’s leading advocate of separate beds," says Dr Stanley.
In 2005, he co-authored a study in which couples wore a device as they slept that monitored waking and motion: the results showed that when one partner stirred, the other did, too. "In fact, a third of your sleep disturbance is caused by your partner," he says.
The impact of this disturbance on your health, and the health of your relationship, can be huge.
A 2016 analysis of previous studies by Paracelsus Medical University in Germany showed that sleep issues and relationship problems tend to occur simultaneously.
Research also suggests those who sleep poorly have higher rates of divorce - and if a person sleeps badly, they lack empathy and are more argumentative. (Plus, just one bad night’s sleep makes you four times more likely to catch a cold, according to a 2015 study in the journal Sleep.)
"Poor sleep affects your performance, relationships, increases your risk of accidents and, in the longterm, is associated with an increase in weight, type 2 diabetes and depression," adds Dr Stanley.
This is because each cell in the body has its own "clock", so prolonged disruption to these rhythms through lack of sleep has a knock-on effect on every cell.
"Sleep is vitally important, and there’s no reason to compromise it for the sake of an unscientific social construct of sleeping together," insists Dr Stanley. But will separate rooms for the sake of shut-eye have a negative affect on your sex life?
Apparently not. In fact, it may improve, as sleeping apart means sex becomes more intentional. "In a paper, a sociologist showed that the only reason you have sex with your partner in bed before you sleep, is because it’s the only time that you are together in private," Dr Stanley says.
"Yet it’s not necessarily the best time emotionally or physiologically to have sex." The idea that sharing a bed with your other half is the "done thing" is actually a relatively new one.Daily Mail