Durban - First lady Bongi Ngema-Zuma has urged women to know their worth and speak out against abuse before it is too late.
Speaking at a women’s month function at the Westville Correctional Centre on Thursday she said it was up to each woman to define her destiny.
Addressing the women inmates as well as Department of Correctional Services staff from facilities around KZN, Ngema-Zuma said holding on to abusive relationships allowed anger to fester.
This had been the case with Zandile Zondo, 48, of Empangeni. The mother of five was one of the inmates present at the celebration themed “Women United in Moving South Africa Forward”.
She was convicted of the murder of her husband in 2001. “I could not bring myself to do it so I hired people. I was just fed up with the abuse. It started with him swearing at me, then came the beatings. People always say marriage is challenging, so I stayed.”
As the abuse continued, Zondo sought help from her family, only to be told to persevere.
“I tried for years believing what they said, that it was a disgrace for a married woman to leave her husband and come back home and I didn’t work.” said Zondo.
Women should never tie their value to having a man in their lives said eThekwini Municipality’s Nompumelelo Chamane.
“There is no reason to tolerate abuse, a woman should be strong enough to get out at the first sign of abuse. Most of the time, these signs we ignore, they gradually get worse to a point where a woman feels enough is enough and explodes, landing themselves in jail.”
Having spent a year-and-a-half at Westville in her early 20s, Chamane knows all too well the despondency of imprisonment. “As a political activist during apartheid, I was jailed for being a threat to society. I was in solitary confinement and spent my days playing with ants,” said Chamane.
With democracy came the Constitution and other laws and interventions protecting and giving women recourse against abuse, however it was still up to each woman to not give a man the chance to act on his threats.
“We should not underestimate ourselves as women, once we each learn to walk away, men will learn and stop this abuse,” she said. Chamane also called on women to support each other.
Had Zondo had her family’s support, she believes she would not have thought the only way to safeguard her and her children’s lives was to have her husband killed.
“I was defending myself and my children from a monster no one outside my home saw. I felt like I had no one to turn to, nowhere to run away to. But when it (murder) was done I grieved, his death was painful and a loss to me even though I had orchestrated it. Again, I think it was because my value as a person was so deeply attached to being his wife,” she said.
Zondo has since apologised and been forgiven by her husband’s family and enjoys a good relationship with her children.
Recognising and accepting responsibility for their decisions would make the offenders realise that where they were now - in prison - was not where they would end. “Once you forgive and let go, Jesus will cleanse you and you can start afresh. Forgiveness is very liberating,” said Ngema-Zuma.
Through the social work, psychology and spiritual care programmes at the prison, Zondo had been counselled and forgave herself.
“It’s allowed me to look forward. I now have a degree in theology and another in education as well as an Abet (Adult Basic Education and Training) diploma,” she said.
Daily News