Warning: This story contains graphic details and may be triggering to some readers
“Mummy’s very sick and is going to die,” were the final words Lauren Dickason told her three daughters before she killed them on September 16, 2021, the High Court in Christchurch heard on Thursday.
“I can’t leave you behind because I don’t know who’s going to look after you.”
After the murders, Lauren met with world-renowned forensic and prenatal psychiatrist, Dr Susan Hatters-Friedman, according to the NZ Herald.
During these meetings, which spanned about 10 hours in total, Hatters-Friedman asked Lauren about her upbringing, culture, family and history with depression and postpartum depression.
The court previously heard about some of the thoughts Lauren had in terms of hurting the children, but Hatter-Friedman gave a more in-depth look at her thoughts and mental state.
“I want to make the twins quiet,” Lauren told her husband Graham in 2019.
When Graham asked her how she wanted to do this, Lauren replied: “Maybe put a pillow over their heads.”
According to Lauren’s mother, Wendy Fawkes', who gave evidence in court on Wednesday, Graham called her in 2019 to speak to Lauren when he was made aware of that Lauren wanted to hurt the children.
Lauren told Hatters-Friedmann she didn’t want to hurt the kids, but just have peace for 30 minutes.
The next day she saw a psychiatrist, which Fawkes also confirmed having knowledge about.
In 2021, she told the Hatters-Friedman that the thoughts worsened.
“An image flashed into my head of sedating the girls, putting them in the bath, cutting their femoral arteries… and putting them to bed,” Lauren told Hatters-Friendmann.
Afterwards, Lauren told her husband about her thoughts, which angered Graham. He replied by telling Lauren to pull up her big girl pants, the court previously heard about the details of the argument, according to a report by Stuff.NZ.
It was also revealed that Lauren did not want to see a psychiatrist about the thoughts out of fear of messing up their emigration plans.
Lauren kept having thoughts of hurting the children, but said nothing. Lauren told Hatters-Friedmann she tried pushing the thoughts away because they scared her.
The situation intensified in the weeks leading up to their move from Pretoria, and Lauren cut down down on communication with family and friends.
“I just lost control of everything,” Dickason said but kept up the appearance that “everything was alright”.
The day of the murders
Lauren told Hatters-Friedman she felt alone and far away from everyone.
When Graham left for his work function, Lauren touched his arm and said goodbye.
“It felt so surreal, almost like I wasn’t in my body,” she told Hatters-Friedman.
The children then started to play and bicker, which was when Lauren went to the bathroom.
“There was so much noise. I just can’t do this one more day - I just want this to end,” Lauren remembered thinking.
She then remembered the cable ties in the garage and her mind went back to South Africa, while the family was in isolation at Grahams mother’s house, Hatters-Friedman heard.
Earlier this week, the court heard that Lauren told the girls they were making necklaces.
But when speaking about the actual killings with Hatters-Friedmann, there was a new version of her conversations with them.
Lauren said she told the children “mummy’s very sick and is going to die”.
“I can’t leave you behind because I don’t know who’s going to look after you.”
Lauren planned on using the cable ties to take her own life but saw how long it took on the girls and decided not to.
She then tried alternative methods to commit suicide.
“I want this to be over,” Lauren said she was thinking.
“I’ll be in heaven and I’ll be safe.”
The court heard that Lauren did not pay thought to the consequences of killing her children because she expected to be dead as well.
“I wasn’t meant to wake up,” Lauren said, adding that she woke up “in hell”.
“I loved them so much that I couldn’t leave them behind if I was to leave this world,” Lauren told Hatters-Friedman.
Lauren allegedly murdered her three daughters in the family’s Timaru home but was now claiming she was mentally disturbed and did not act rationally.
The prosecution had accepted Lauren’s mental health challenges but said she knew what she was doing during the time of the murders.
The trial will continue before Justice Cameron Mander in Christchurch on Friday and was expected to conclude in a week.
IOL
Are you or someone you know affected by mental health? If so here are some important numbers:
The SA Depression and Anxiety Group's 24-hour mental health helpline: 080-045-6789.
The SA Federation for Mental Health: 011-781-1852