This year the focus of Independent Media's annual #dontlookaway campaign during the 16 days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children is #talk2yourboys. The goal is to focus on the male youth, educate and teach boys to become better men and in so doing, break the cycle of gender-based violence. Today we are talking to fathers.
Dear Fathers- Has your son heard you say that men are socially dominant and women are the
weaker sex?
- Do you tell your son that men are in charge or are the
bosses at home, that men are better than women?
- Do you call
women nags and bitches, or belittle women drivers within earshot of
your son?
- Do you make violence acceptable by telling your son that
“boys will be boys” when he behaves aggressively towards his sister, or teases and
even bullies her?
- When your son cries, do you call him a sissy or cry baby, do you tell him it is not manly
to show emotions, that real men don’t cry, and men are supposed to be tough?
- Do you tell your son he kicks or throws a ball like a girl, that a sport he may be
interested in, is for girls?
- Have you ever teased your son when he plays with dolls with his sister or tries out her
dresses for fun?
- If your son says he is hungry, do you tell him to go and ask his mother, it’s a woman’s
job to cook food and feed the family?
- When you argue with your wife/partner, do you become verbally aggressive and/or
use offensive language in the presence of your son?
- Have you at any point threatened
or physically struck out at your wife/partner in the presence of your son?
- Are there any subjects about any facet of life, relationships, love, girls that you have
not allowed your son to discuss with you, or have not invited him to talk to you about?
- Do you tell or laugh at sexist jokes, wolf-whistle at or make sexual comments about
women when you are with your son?
- Do you avoid discussions about sexuality, gender equality and the need for women to
be respected?
Fathers want the very best for their boys and they hope or even believe that they are doing a good job. But beyond the basic do’s and don’ts, do fathers reflect deeply enough on their own behaviour?
Do they truly consider whether they are, perhaps unknowingly, entrenching stereotypes around gender roles that subtly lay the foundation of future gender bias, even toxic masculinity, or possibly an adult that will be prone to gender-based violence.
If any father ticked any of the boxes above, perhaps there is room for improvement to be a better role model for your young boy of whom you are so proud.
It is never too late to #talk2yourboys and take the father's pledge below:
My son,
I pledge to always be the best
role model for you that I can
be.
I want you to be proud
of me and look up to me, as
I wish to always be proud of
you.
I promise to guide you in
becoming an exemplary young
man who leads by example,
and influences your peers
through respect.
I pledge to teach you to
honour and respect women
in every way, and where I fall
short in anything I do or have
done, I promise to learn with
you and from you.
Too many
men are ugly and horrible to
women, and some hurt them
really badly too. We must
change that.
We must teach
our friends and other men that
women are our equal partners
in all we do – at home, in the
classroom, on the streets,
and some day, at work and
wherever life may lead us.
All my love,
Dad
* GET INVOLVED! Share your thoughts on toxic masculinity and how it affects our society via Whatsapp on 074 557 3535 or join the conversation on social media using using the hashtags #DontLookAway and #talk2yourboys.
