Will Jose Mourinho park the Manchester United in the FA Cup final against Chelsea? Photo: Darren Staples/Reuters

DURBAN – Down in the sunny and hot “the whole week” Kaapstad (can’t say that for eThekwini and the rest of the chill-ridden country), clearly the conference capital of Mzansi, I lay here pondering how and why these bloody agents are so average, but yet so good.

The exaggerated, over-the-top Danny Morrison did the toss, Virat Kholi loses another (at least not another game) and Kane “captain fantastic” Williamson (who is Dave “the scapegoat” Warner’s replacement) put Royal Challengers Bangalore (RCB) into bat first.

This is a must-win game for RCB sitting in seventh place, in a tightly packed top-four race. If RCB don’t at least make the playoffs, then some people must be fired, surely?

They will be reeling at the average decision they made to get rid of the big West Indian boss Chris Henry Gayle.

On Sunday, I reckon Rajasthan Royals will get chowed, bringing Royal Challengers RIIIIIIGHT back into it.

Many a murmur has them touted as the team to perhaps go all the way this year, even after this dodge start as they had won two in a row before izolo.

Delhi Daredevils play the charismatic and “return road dogs” Chennai Super Kings kusasa – Bones says away for the win.

English footy has a small matter of the FA Cup between two very average coaches, of which surely one gets fired and the other realises his manure does not smell like roses, in fact quite the opposite.

Jose in all likelihood will be a champ and play some Barca exhibition footy (sorry Masandawana), score a bunch of goals, play freely, substitute the whole span and entertain (excuse me, I dozed off into lala land).

Well, I reckon he parks the bus, but that may backfire. So let’s give it a go – Antonio Conte will surely motivate his boys for a last-ditch effort, and who knows, they may play for him and his cause, because Roman Abramovich has very little chill.

In saying that, Jose’s Manure is not that great, but Wembley may bring a banger I suspect, so go for goals on both ends I reckon, with over 2.5 goals market in the match and over five corners (ha ha ha, I bet you didn’t know that a sneaky purple colour bookmaker have such online).

Then we have the local dish in the green Cup trophy getting played in Europe, I mean Green Point – pretty apt.

The teams are none of the bigger more famous clubs, but probably great for the cup and SA footy in general.

Funny thing is, it’s between the team that comes from the town that played host to me “just a week agoooo” and my future home town for a little bit (who knows, we holding thumbs for either contract) versus the town that saw Bones grow up and mature, or not!

It’s Free State Stars (such an apartheid name should be changed) vs Maritzburg United (owned and run by seemingly a great family) at 15h00, kusasa.

Funny that with such smallish teams (in the greater scheme) that I intend to attend, one is struggling to get the kinda tickets I’m soeking?

But ke, where ’n boer maak a plan, dis darkie maak twee, kunzolunga (it’ll be okay) – if not, we are not foreign to Extra Strong!

Take our very own in “The Boys from the Burra” to lift the cup in normal or extra time, beers on you – thanks!

Rugby predictions improved last week, so here is a quick-fire go for you “Wogglers”. 

Stormers, Crusaders, Bulls and Highlanders all take the win away from dladla (home) with Lions and Saracens, led by Brad “Dub” Barritt (Kearsney College and Durban native) to also notch up wins on their home grounds.

I’m over and out, Bombay, I will see you tonight.


The Mercury