London - Oh dear, it’s nearly lunchtime and I have done no work this morning. I wouldn’t mind, but I was at my desk before nine, full of beans and good intentions.
I don’t know how it’s happened. Three and a half hours have just vanished.
I did take a quick look on Facebook and Twitter, just to see what the world was talking about and what my friends did at the weekend. But surely that didn’t take more than a few minutes?
Though, come to think about it, I did spend quite a bit of time looking at photos that my friend Amy had posted from her holiday to Spain.
The place she stayed in looked gorgeous, so I went on to the hotel’s website to check it out. It’s beautiful, you should see it - infinity pools, white walls and azure skies. I’m thinking of going, but I had a quick look at flights (well, not that quick, you know what these websites are like) and they’re too expensive.
But thinking about holidays reminded me that I needed a new swimsuit, so I popped on to a few shopping sites to see if there was anything good left in the sales. There wasn’t, so then I got down to work - or, at least, checking my emails.
The first message in my box was offering me discounted teeth whitening, so I did a quick bit of research online into the pros and cons of home vs laser teeth whitening before I snapped up the bargain.
Then I got an email from a friend with a link to a site about cute kittens. I’m not that into animals, but who can resist a film of nine kittens on a sofa all bopping their heads in time to music or the recording of a kitten squeaking its way down a slide? Actually, I’m not sure if that one is cruel or cute, so I watched it a second time to decide.
And then, before you know it, I’m on YouTube being recommended other funny animal films I might like, which somehow leads me on to home videos of people falling over...and here I am with a rumbling tummy at 12.45pm.
I think I need help. I am a cyber slacker - powerless to resist the draw of the internet. And it’s not just me.
Once upon a time, when you got to work you had to, well, work. There was nothing but a desk, your files and, if you were lucky, a window to distract you.
Acertain amount of time could be wasted looking out of the window, playing with your stapler and doodling on the back of an envelope, but quite quickly work became a more interesting alternative to just sitting and doing nothing.
Then came the internet. Now every time we get to the office and turn on our computers we are logging on to a world of distractions - the chance to do our supermarket shopping online, look up old music videos on YouTube, follow breaking news minute by minute - it’s a wonder we get anything done at all. Or maybe we don’t.
Last month, it became apparent that civil servants spend a good part of their day wasting time on the internet. Freedom of information laws forced the release of a list of the top 1,000 websites visited by thousands of Whitehall officials over a five-month period. And what a list.
Apparently, our taxes go towards helping them monitor live cricket scores, check Lottery results, shop at Argos, play games that allow one to “walk amongst goblin, elves and dwarves”, book holidays and even plan belly-dancing lessons.
There were also 21,477 visits to a website dedicated to ranking MPs in order of attractiveness - sexymp.co.uk - while a site called preseed.co.uk, which sells “intimate moisturiser”, was accessed 13,295 times. Baffling.
This list makes my online habits look quite pedestrian and is an alarming reflection of inefficiency and idleness, at the public’s expense, in the height of a recession - but it’s also proof that many of us are useless when it comes to resisting the lure of the internet.
I used to be a conscientious and diligent person, but modern technology has turned me into a procrastinator of the highest order.
One minute I’m innocently checking the news, then I see a story about Kate Winslet and, before long, I’m looking at sites trying to buy her skirt. I’m like Alice falling down the cyber rabbit hole.
Like an endless Jilly Cooper novel, I skip from site to site thinking “Just one more page” and - hey presto! - a whole afternoon has gone.
That’s because studies have found the internet is as addictive as smoking or alcohol. The more we use it, the more we feel we need it.
In a trial in April, one guinea pig described going 24 hours without being online as “like having a hand chopped off”, while another study in Maryland found that people who were asked to not check emails or browse the internet for a day reported feeling fidgety, anxious and isolated. But the internet isn’t just addictive; it erodes our concentration, which means we search for distraction more frequently than ever before.
In his essay Is Google Making Us Stupid?, technology writer Nicholas Carr argues that technology has changed the way our brains work.
A long-time internet addict, he writes: “I’m not thinking the way I used to think. I can feel it most strongly when I’m reading. Immersing myself in a book or a lengthy article used to be easy. Now my concentration often starts to drift after two or three pages. I get fidgety, lose the thread, begin looking for something else to do.
“What the net seems to be doing is chipping away at my capacity and concentration.”
I couldn’t agree more. My concentration levels were never up to much at the best of times, but modern technology has left them almost non-existent.
I can barely go ten minutes without stopping work to check my emails or take a quick look at the news.
And it’s not just in office hours. In the evenings I can’t chat on the phone without looking on Amazon or eBay at the same time. Sometimes I feel as if I am not controlling the internet, it is controlling me. And it’s not a nice feeling.
At the end of yet another unproductive day, I feel harassed, dissatisfied and tired, even though I’ve accomplished nothing but filled my head with absolute rubbish. It’s the mental equivalent of eating junk food all day.
So, what to do? Well, try to exercise a bit of self-control would be the first thing. Experts recommend you force yourself to concentrate on a simple object for several minutes, without looking away.
Others advise using an egg-timer to set yourself 20-minute windows where you are allowed to do nothing but work.
But finding that most of us lack the self-discipline to kick our addiction ourselves, many companies limit access to certain sites.
A couple of years ago, Portsmouth City Council decided to ban its staff from using Facebook after it was discovered that workers were logging on to the site up to 270,000 times a month, spending an average 413 hours on it in just 30 days.
Dragon’s Den entrepreneur Theo Paphitis says he has done the same thing in his companies.
“After all, no self-respecting boss would allow staff to spend all day talking to friends over the phone, reading out clips from celebrity magazines or passing on gossip,” he says.
Too right, Theo. I just wish you were my boss, keeping me on the straight and narrow. Unfortunately, my boss is useless - that’s because I’m my own boss. At this rate, I’ll have to sack myself. Or at least give myself a written warning.
Admittedly there are software programmes such as Freedom (mac freedom.com) that can temporarily cut off access to the internet so you can get some work done.
But what’s this? I’ve just checked my email again and a friend has sent me another link. It’s to an article about how new research has shown that workers are more productive after watching a funny clip online. Scientists at the University of Copenhagen found wasting time on the internet might be beneficial to the workplace, making workers more focused, motivated and effective.
I’d best take ten minutes to look at more dancing kittens - just to get me motivated, you understand. Then I’ll start work - Daily Mail