Bizarrely, I am watching a pachyderm paint a picture. I pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming as the elephantine Gauguin selects a surreal shade of orange and - holding the paintbrush in his trunk - carefully applies paint to paper.
With incredible finesse he paints a flower complete with petals, leaves and stamens. Lifting his back leg in concentration, he completes another two blossoms. When he's finished, he carefully signs his name - Ora Chai - beneath his masterpiece.
Pachyderm as Picasso is not a concept I had hitherto considered, though I grew up on The Story of Barbar, about a young elephant that leaves the jungle for a city after his mother is shot by hunters and learns the tricks of civilisation. Such a thin line between fact and fiction, I muse, watching more pachyderms spin hoops, balance on narrow planks and score goal after goal with a soccer ball.
Short of playing He Ain't Heavy on the saxophone - though I wouldn't rule it out - is there anything these magnificent creatures don't have to do to ensure their survival?
Sadly, the Asian elephant is an endangered species. Only around 4 000 are left in Thailand, according to our guide Satien "Sam" Saenkamvinib.
Once employed by the logging industries, more than 2 000 domesticated elephants were thrown out of work - effectively abandoned - when the Thai government banned logging in 1989.
There simply wasn't enough forest for them to return to.
Now they have to pay their way by entertaining tourists with rides and shows, but party tricks notwithstanding, their population has declined by 30 percent since the logging ban.
Baby elephants accompany their mothers on the rides, occasionally darting beneath them for a drink of milk. One little one obviously enjoyed balancing on rocks so much, I wondered if he was practising for a future part in The King and I or Bangkok's current hit, Siam Niramit.
I wanted to ask my mahout if the Thai elephants got any maternity leave, but regretfully, his English was confined to just one phrase: "Oh, my Gahd!" Evidently, American tourists are not uncommon in Thailand!
It takes just two to three months to teach an elephant to paint but I get the impression that Ora Chai rather enjoys expressing his distinctive artistic style. He has talent by the trunkful and his fine works are sold to tourists, and art collectors, around the world.
According to Mia Fineman, co-author of When Elephants Paint (Harper) wild and domesticated elephants will doodle in the dirt with sticks, rather than simply stand around doing nothing. Their trunks are sophisticated, containing more than 50 000 muscles with finger-like appendages at the tip that aid in flicking a coin, stabilising a log - or "turning out a deconstructed Jackson Pollack".
After a dance routine involving the skilful placement of straw boaters on the heads of their mahouts, the ellies take a bow, gratefully accepting accolades in the form of bananas. Any monetary tips are trunked back to their mahouts.
I am moved to tears by the humility and intelligence of these gentle giants. Spending time in their company is a privilege, made all the more precious by the uncertainty of their future as industrial and corporate greed continues to destroy their habitats.
We also saw how elephant dung was rinsed to extract fibres, mixed into a pulp, then rolled out and dried to make a rough-textured paper for notepads and photo albums. A percentage of the "poo paper" profits also go towards elephant conservation.
Another unexpected privilege in Chiang Mai is giving food to the Buddhist monks. It's a fulfilling, timeless ritual, but if you're thinking of participating, bear in mind that it is forbidden to offer cigarettes or any other addictive items.
One thing monks are allowed, however, is a cell phone, which they keep in a hidden pocket of their robes. Our guide told us that even the Dalai Lama had a phone.
Rather useful if you needed to dial a Lama, I thought!
As my wake-up call sounded at 5.15 am, I blearily reflected that the monks would have got up an hour earlier than me to meditate.
Monks don't get to sleep in much, by all accounts. Some have called Buddha the world's greatest salesman since he prescribed some rather rigorous tenents for living and all in return for... er, nothing!
Then again, nothing to a Buddhist is also everything since nothing is real. What we think is real is just maya, or illusion. That might just explain, I mused, why the mass murderer Pol Pot was a monk before he decided to slaughter a million people. But even so, think of the karma! Albeit illusory!
Who knew what the monks were meditating on before their soujourn into town to fill their begging bowls. Perhaps their lofty thoughts rose heavenwards or perhaps they spent the hour pondering the quality of the snacks to come.
Even though dawn was just breaking, I was astonished to see how many people had lined the road with their food offerings.
Thai people believe that when they die they will go to heaven holding onto a monk's robe, so most of the snacks looked delicious. Home-cooked drum sticks, spicy curries, lemon-scented rice and delicate desserts were just some of the mouth-watering offerings.
Many waited for the monks in an attitude of prayer while others blessed the food that was clearly an honour for them to provide.
Bird sellersflogged birds in tiny straw cages, which you could buy to set free for good luck.
I couldn't help the cynical thought that the poor creatures would soon be trapped again and re-sold. A carnival atmosphere prevailed and marching revellers carried placards exhorting abstinence from alcohol and smoking. It was the oddest march I've ever seen.
Then suddenly a long orange ribbon of monks appeared and the sound of chanting filled the air. The sacred chants, some of which date back to the seventh century, are part of their daily ritual.
The monks believe the chanting can connect them with the realms of pure spirit and bliss. Caught up in the energy of sound, I felt a sense of connectivity with everything in my world or perhaps it was just the hunger pangs beginning to gnaw at my stomach. I resisted the temptation to snatch a snack while everyone's eyes were closed.
After an hour or so of the chanting, the monks, ranging from seven years upwards, started moving among the people to gather their daily food, which they collected in stainless steel bowls and then emptied into large sacks for later.
The Songkran Festival (April 13 to 15) started the following day. Songkran is the Thai celebration of the lunar New Year. Traditionally, families worshipped at the temple and sprinkled scented water over each other to wash away bad thoughts and actions. These days, though, it has become a water war in which people drench each other with every variety of water gun.
Anyone on the streets from tourists to police officials are considered fair game. And if you're on a motorbike or in a tuk tuk, expect to be soaked long before you reach your destination, as every single member of our South African contingent discovered. In Chiang Mai, people scooped up their ammunition with pans and buckets along with huge water pistols. There were processions and a beauty contest for the Miss Water Festival.
It was complete pandemonium, but I can't remember when I last had so much fun!
- Caroline Hurry was a guest of Thai Tourism and Thai Air.
If you go...
- Visa: SA Passport holders do not need a visa to visit Thailand.
- Getting there: Thai Airways flies directly to Bangkok from Johannesburg, on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. From Bangkok, there are daily flights to Chiang Mai.
More information on these flights from www.thaiairways.com or contact Thai Airways on 011 268 2580.
- Specials: Thai Tourism are running a variety of specials to Thailand this month.
For more information, email Leon Els at [email protected] or visit their website.
- Accommodation: The Sofitel Riverside Chiang Mai is a luxury boutique resort, offering a private balcony, bath-tub with built-in LCD TV, separate shower and home theatre system.
Next to the bathroom is a lovely rockery with trickling water that can be switched on and off. Just 4km from Chiang Mai International Airport, it's also conviently close to historical attractions including the fabulous night bazaar, selling everything from marvellous wooden lizards to fake Rolex watches.
They also offer the luxury Aspara Spa and a fully-equipped fitness centre.
Email [email protected] or see the website.
- Another good hotel is the Amari Rincome Hotel where we had a delicious meal .
It's a four-star estblishment close to Chiang Mai's historical walled city in the shadow of Mount Suthep. Email [email protected] or visit www.amari.com.
What to do
Activities include:
- Elephant shows: Mae Taeng Elephant Camp: Telephone 0 5327 1680
- Visit one of several fascinating orchid and butterfly farms, located along the Mae Rim - Samoeng route. Each farm provides opportunities for visitors to admire these exotic blooms and buy jewellery items made from gold-plated orchids.
- For more information, visit www.thailandtourism.co.za.