Since ending her 27-year marriage to her manager, John Penrose, in 2007, TV presenter and journalist Anne Robinson has rarely been linked to a man.
Recently, however, the 66-year-old has been seen on the arm of Robin Woodhead, chairman of Sotheby’s International. Woodhead is 60 and has been divorced for 20 years.
Clinical psychologist Linda Blair offers some guidelines to help an established singleton dip her toe into a new relationship:
When you’re a well-established single, it can feel like quite a challenge to embark on a new relationship.
So much of what’s involved in looking for a new partner is about – as you once put it, Anne – sorting the princes from the prats, and this requires such an effort, and is such a gamble, that many singles prefer to keep things just as they are.
Recently, though, you’ve been seen out and about with Robin Woodhead – himself a singleton for 20 years – and it looks like you are really enjoying each other’s company. Whether this is the beginning of a serious romance, or simply an intense friendship, remains to be seen. But if you have met your prince, is there any way to reassure yourself that you’re ready to let go of your single status? Will the changes you’ll need to make be worth the effort?
To answer these questions, make sure you’ve worked through previous relationships and truly let go of them. If you move from one relationship into the next without thinking about why the last one broke down, and most critically about what role you played, you’re liable to repeat your past mistakes.
It’s also important to feel you’ve grieved the loss of any relationships that once held so much promise. Only when you’ve let go of the past and are no longer seeking to duplicate it, are you ready to move on.
You and John have been separated officially for four years now, although you said that in truth you went your separate ways two years before that. Clearly you’ve used those six years well. It’s apparent that you’ve thought through what went wrong.
In an interview two years ago, you explained that your marriage had just stopped working, and that although you two could have rubbed along comfortably enough, you realised this wasn’t right for you.
Nonetheless, the pain of the separation took you by surprise and for a time “it was like having a car crash every day”. However, except for a brief fling with David Collins, Madonna’s interior designer, you remained on your own and worked through the pain of your loss. You’ve said you and John are good friends again.
You also used the time to decide what you really want out of life. This increases the chances that you’ll have a more equal – and more fulfilling – relationship if ever you choose to look for another partner.
For you, this meant trying out various procedures to improve your looks and hiring a personal trainer. Recently, you’ve also decided that it was time to make an important career decision, to stop presenting The Weakest Link, so you can make time for new challenges.
It’s no coincidence that you seem able to understand yourself so well at this stage in your life. Many psychotherapists – and in particular, the psychoanalyst Carl Jung – claim an individual isn’t capable of truly knowing herself, and feeling comfortable with what she discovers, until she’s at least in her sixth decade.
You’ve also thought about the sort of partner you’d want if you decide to start a new relationship. This, too, bodes well for your happiness.
Several years ago, you described your ideal partner as someone who possesses “speed of thought, wit, generosity of spirit, fitness” and “doesn’t read Autocar”. From what I’ve read about Robin, it looks like you’ve met your man.
It’s also reassuring that you met Robin when you were pursuing a passion of your own – choosing a painting at Sotheby’s – rather than when you were actively trying to find a partner. This means that you shared an interest from the start, and have a great deal to talk about.
Had you been desperately seeking a mate, things might well have turned out differently. The more an individual feels driven to find a partner, as quickly as possible, the more willing she becomes to overlook other people’s faults and to idealise any potential partners.
This is understandable – a desperate person wants to feel she can justify a quick choice. But the facade is bound to break down, disappointment will creep in, and the relationship will turn sour.
Many modern schemes for finding a partner rely on first impressions – and the results have little to do with long-term compatibility. For example, a study on speed dating, where couples are only allowed three to seven minutes together, showed that most people make their choice of partner within the first three to 30 seconds. There’s no chance of learning much about long-term compatibility in less than half a minute!
Finally, Anne, you would do well not to give up your single status too easily. And it seems you know this. Your friends have commented that, although you and Robin enjoy your time together, there’s no question of marriage at this point.
Wisely, you’re both holding on to the independence that no doubt drew you to one another in the first place. – Daily Mail