MENTAL health is often ignored, especially in communities that do not appreciate the different forms in which it comes; yet, mental health issues are becoming more prevalent – and they are everywhere.
Recently, the world commemorated Children’s Mental Health Week, and during this time, national and international organisations called for awareness of the mental health of our children.
“What children are exposed to, how they are raised, what they are allowed to do too, is an important aspect of who they become as adults. Dysfunction starts early in many cases, and when it explodes in grown-ups, we as society wonder what triggers there were,” child psychologist Lindiwe van Zyl said.
Statistics have shown that one of the best ways to safeguard children’s mental health is to raise them in societies and communities that are aware of the symptoms, and to act fast to prevent deterioration.
Social worker Lyn Hinds said: “Children are often invisible when society experiences chaos. In homes, they are ignored by parents who fight; at school, they are expected to cope even when situations around them are in chaos. The time to stop this burden on them is now.”
Van Zyl said there was a time in South Africa, and in other troubled countries, for example, in apartheid, where children grew up in war zones with absent parents, and when, later on in their lives, there were outbreaks of violence and laziness, drug and substance addiction and failure to be productive, countries were shocked.
“We know that, for instance, in this country, so many children of apartheid were forced to grow up early when their parents fought for freedom and were not at home for long periods or were subjected to public humiliation. They were the silent ones who hid under the kitchen table when the struggle was being fought, but no one ever thought of the effects on their lives as they went about supposedly ‘benefitting’ from the fruits of their parents’ and community’s struggles.”
She added that later on, when men became “monsters” who were constantly on the wrong side of the law, when gender-based violence blew up in everyone’s faces, when so many women – and men – found themselves raising children without the other parent, it became a cause for concern, almost like it suddenly happened.
“I am not saying perpetrators of gender-based violence and femicide, fathers who abandon their children, men and women on drugs who do not want to work – criminals – are the result of this, but this time is when the effects of a time of struggle for freedom in the country are most pronounced,” she said.
And if this is not stopped now, the cycle will only continue.
Hinds added, “It is a vicious cycle which has become entrenched to the point of being seen as normal. It can only get worse instead of better, no matter how many times we talk about it, how many organisations offer advice.
“Women become strong and independent and raise their children on their own; men fight to be part of children’s lives when mothers do not allow them. They fight hard to break into racial circles that are tightly closed to supposedly protect the minority... All this as the children being raised watch. This means they too will act out the traits when they grow up, what we see now will mutate into something worse, the country will see crime of proportions unknown.”
Both women said it was time for the country’s powers to introduce means to ensure that in the home, children are not subjected to being silent victims when parents fight; they do not watch their fathers being demeaned because they are not good enough and they do not watch others being beaten, raped and victimised by communities fighting against crime.
“Mental issues are deep, and while many children do grow up to become functional and seemingly normal, the eruption of something totally off is prevalent and just not spoken of,” van Zyl said.
She said normalising talking to children, understanding how they feel even if they themselves do not, was important.
“It has to be done in the home, in the community, at school. These are fragile minds which absorb everything around them in different ways, and they must be protected at all costs if they are to become teenagers who follow law and order and adults who refrain from engaging in what is seen as wrong by society.”
The re-introduction of community clubs, the promotion of church and religious practices to become safe spaces, and the removal of children from toxic situations has to be an all-day, everyday role for everyone, Hinds said.