Woman faces criticism for asking to take back baby shower gift after friend’s miscarriage

Reddit user gifted the mom to be with a gift worth more than R7 700 Picture: RDNE Stock project/Pexels

Reddit user gifted the mom to be with a gift worth more than R7 700 Picture: RDNE Stock project/Pexels

Published May 23, 2023


Her “friend” Jen made an early pregnancy announcement, revealing that she was expecting again.

Along with the announcement text, she also shared her baby shower registry with my husband, and to his surprise, the list was filled with expensive items.

“My husband spent around $400 on a gift for her, fine with me. A few weeks later Jen had a traumatic miscarriage. I won’t get into the details but she was devastated and the cause of the loss likely means she won’t be able to carry future pregnancies to term. It’s incredibly sad and while I’m not close with Jen, my heart hurt for her.’’

Several months have passed since the loss, and her husband finds himself uncertain about the appropriate course of action for the gift.

It becomes evident that the item is not suitable for the older child, making the prospect of asking for its return seem harsh and burdensome – which it is – considering the weight of her grief.

Reddit user gifted the mom to be with a gift worth more than R7 700 Picture: Pexels

“I’m also not sure if she’s going to keep trying to have more kids (very risky for the baby and herself) and it seems incredibly insensitive to ask, plus she may not have decided yet. Asking her to pay us back for it also seems very cruel.

My husband and I are also high earners but $400 (R 7 705) is still a lot of money. It’s one thing if she’s able to get a few years of use out of the item, that’s money well spent. But if it’s going to sit in a box in her attic for years … that’s where we are getting stuck.’’

That is an expensive gift, but that’s the choice her husband had made.

The Reddit user asked if she’s being heartless for wanting to ask the precious gift back. “Ideally we could get our money back somehow although it’s probably too late. If we can’t then I’d at least like to gift it to someone else who can use it (I feel awful just saying that but it’s how I feel). However this is such a sensitive subject and we don’t want to pressure her if she’s not ready to discuss it.’’

Uh, okay, do we take back the flowers we gave to someone who has lost a loved one? No! It’s weird and just a lack of common decency. It’s up to the mom to decide what to do with the gift regardless of the price attached to the gift.

“She’s just lost her baby and her fertility. Don’t kick someone when they’re down. When she’s ready, she will probably sell your gift and use the money for something else, hopefully something that brings her joy,’’ a user said.

“You decided to spend a lot of money on a gift. Maybe give less in the future if you are going to feel resentful later. But do not add to this woman’s pain so you can get your money back. That’s monstrous.’’

Amen sir.