ANOLENE THANGAVELU PILLAY
The journey of finding love is a familiar one for many. As we navigate an emotional maze, we fuel our hopes for a connection that completes us with swipes on a screen.
We experience the fierce waves of hope and disappointment, often leaving ourselves stranded on the shores of heartbreak. Sometimes, the love we chase can easily slip through our fingers causing us to question if we are searching for something true.
The narrative of today shifts towards a more enlightened understanding of love. When we look within, instead of seeking external validation or solutions for confidence or self-esteem, we discover a profound truth that true love is not found in another but within ourselves. It is this understanding that bring today’s insights, why chasing love may not be the solution.
The illusion of love is not a solution to resolve life’s difficulties. As humans, we are deeply ingrained in a longing for love. There are moments when we believe that love is a magical cure-all.
Our hope is that finding that one special person will be the key to eternal joy, relief from our anxieties and the peace we long for. This idea is reinforced by society through different means like social media, friendships, and television. Constantly reminding us to believe that life is incomplete without a significant other by our side.
In reality, romantic relationships often tell a different story. The idealised image we have can be crushed by the difficulties they bring. Disappointments creep in when expectations are not met. It is not the reality that troubles us but our opinions and expectations of that reality.
The belief that love is a universal solution confuses us into thinking that our happiness is someone else’s responsibility. True happiness is a feeling of everything being good inside. A feeling of fulfilment when one feels their heart is truly at rest when one is true to oneself.
We must root ourselves in the present embracing its fullness and potential, it is here that the seeds of true love and happiness are sown, giving us a sense of completeness.
This questions whether we need someone to complete us. Consider, that our thinking is meant to evolve. Living in a fast-paced world requires us to question, do we need to chase love? Love should not be a chase, but about us being so rooted in our own existence that love finds us, not as a seeker but as a natural partner to our complete self.
More often than not, we forget that the deepest connection begins within. The chase for love can feel similar to chasing a shadow, a mystery that often leaves us feeling empty. But, when we stand in the light of self-awareness and acceptance, love finds us.
Embracing self-acceptance provides a solid foundation for personal growth. Social media, societal norms and the need to be accepted have led us to believe that love is contingent on meeting certain beauty standards, achieving success and becoming popular.
This thinking causes us to deviate from an important aspect of our existence, self-acceptance. When we chase love, we lose touch with ourselves. It is easier to find comfort in our own unique existence in a world obsessed with comparison.
At times, you might question: why does love slip away from me despite my best intentions? The chase for love often comes from a place of neediness, a belief that someone else is the missing piece of our life’s puzzle. The path of growth is to confront your fears, embrace challenges and choose the less travelled road. Develop relationships that are founded on genuine connection rather than need.
As you deepen your understanding of yourself, your clarity on what you seek in a partner and what you are prepared to offer in a relationship intensifies. Reflection guides you offering not just insight but also practical advice for those dealing with the challenges of love and relationships.
Relationships can become superficial due to digital interactions and societal pressures. Approach relationships not as a means to fill a void but as an opportunity to showcase our complete independent selves to someone else.
By constantly chasing love, we risk building relationships not on a strong foundation of mutual respect but on the shaky foundations of idealisation. Rewriting our past or predicting the future cannot be done with certainty. However, the present is our realm of control, we possess the strength to choose our responses.
In this modern era people often contort themselves into predefined societal roles, acting artificially and hiding their true selves. Authenticity attracts those who appreciate our true essence, not a fake representation of ourselves. Love does not demand perfection. Love is the acceptance of everything, that has been, that is and that will be.
Anolene Thangavelu Pillay is a Psychology Advisor.