This is Pretoria-based Dr Micki Pistorius, who more than a decade ago made headlines as the first profiler to be appointed to the South African Police Service. She was the founder and commander of the Investigative Psych Unit, Serious and Violent Crimes Component of the SAPS.
She did the first doctoral thesis on serial killers in the country and her expertise led to the arrests of many serial killers and rapists.
Her time as police profiler led to her writing several books on the subject, including Catch Me a Killer, Strangers on the Street, Fatal Females and Profiling Serial Killers.
But Pistorius now turned her attention to what men want in her latest book titled Heroes-Warriors. It is a psychological insight into men’s perspective on relationships.
“Whenever I testify as an expert witness psychologist in court I always make a point of declaring that I am not here to condemn or condone the behaviour. The same principle applies to this book. I do not say what men do is fair from a woman’s point of view. I am telling it as it is, as the men have related it to me.”
“Men and women think differently. Not only do men think differently about relationships than women, they think differently than women think men think.”
Pistorius said she has not written the book to teach women how to catch men.
“If a woman tries to catch a man she has already lost him. If women want to adapt their behaviour and get in touch with their own femininity, which may just happen to appeal to the heroes out there, then so be it. If women prefer to cut men down to size, it is their choice, but men don’t find it very appealing.
“If men read this book and feel the need to up their game and man-up, good, because the human race needs heroes.”
The book is based on real-life interviews and case studies of men expressing their true feelings, thoughts and experiences about all aspects of relationships.
“They actually all insisted that I write the book as a vehicle for them to express their views and ‘so that women can finally understand us better’.”
Heroes-Warriors is inspired by the everyday, unsung heroes who have crossed Pistorius’s path. She said she had “sprinkled the book with Greek mythological metaphors to spice things up”.
From years of listening to men, Pistorius has concluded that men “don’t talk, they do”. “Men express themselves mainly through their actions. If he loves a woman, he will solve her problems, he will buy her things and fix her life.”
Pistorius said that when she asked men what is the most important element of a relationship, they do not unanimously answer “sex”, but “communication”.
Experience has also taught Pistorius that a man wants a woman to communicate her needs to him. “How else will he be able to fulfil her needs? But Pistorius warned that timing was very important.
“While women talk, men do (act). They are strong warriors and they know what to do. They resent it when women tell them what to do. Trust him. Don’t tell him,” is another valuable tip.
Arguing with men, she says, is futile. Men are by nature aggressive.
“They have to be, how else will they protect us? When anybody engages in a hostile manner with a man, his aggression escalates. Once swords are crossed he automatically goes into warrior mode. Soon we have two people yelling at each other.”
But do not spend your time and space with someone who does not respect you, she warns. So ladies, if you want to know what men want women to know or find out what men think about dating, break-ups, marriage or divorce, start reading away.
The book is not available in hard copy, but can be obtained on the web at www.heroes-warriors.com.