as Dylan sang, to live outside the law you must be honest
JOUBERT MALHERBE
I HAD a bit of a Monty Python moment at home the other day when a young dove flew into one of the window panes of my door.
My feathered friend was knocked out and plopped to the ground. When I saw the state of the poor bird, its stunned condition reminded me of the Dead Parrot Sketch, featuring John Cleese and Michael Palin.
This is where pet shopkeeper Palin is trying to convince the customer (Cleese) that the motionless state of the dead parrot, which he had sold to Cleese as a going concern a little earlier, was due to the fact that it was “stunned”.
It is worth looking up the sketch on YouTube; it’s hilarious.
Anyway, I rushed to the aid of the stricken young dove, while fending off my small dog, Fudge, who also showed an interest, more due to culinary considerations than anything else, I’m sure.
I gently picked up the bird and carried it over to the other side of the garden where I placed it on a tree stump a couple or so metres off the ground, so it could rest while gathering its senses and recuperating.
I recalled the lyrics of that great Leonard Cohen song which go: Oh, like a bird on the wire/Like a drunk in a midnight choir/I have tried in my way to be free…”
I repaired to my couch in the garden to finish the cup of tea (really) I was having while surveying the situation, keeping Fudge from assailing the poor dove. After finishing my cuppa, I took it to the sink in the kitchen and on my return, I saw the bird had gone.
I immediately feared the worst, thinking that it might have fallen prey to one of my canine chums during my brief time away.
But after having a good look around, I concluded that the lyrics of that great song by The Beatles, Norwegian Wood, were applicable: This bird has flown…
Anyway, the above-mentioned parrot sketch ends with Cleese, looking straight into the camera and saying: “If you want anything done in this country, you’ve got to complain until you’re blue in the face.”
I recalled those words a few days later when I was waiting in a supermarket queue at the mall in funky Doringkloof. You know the frustration when you line up where there are, say, eight or so paypoints, but there is only one, or sometimes two, tellers present.
What adds to the frustration is that a couple of sometime-cashiers can often be seen chatting away merrily to each other at the back. It leaves one kicking your heels and muttering sundry curses while waiting to be helped.
Anyway, this week my despair was heightened by the fact that as soon as I was next in line, one of the three cashiers staffing the seven paypoints – just when the transaction with the shopper in front of me had been completed – cashed up her till and walked off.
Why me, oh Lord, why me, I thought to myself and continued reading the headlines on the car magazines on the shelf opposite the sweets.
Well, if my own reaction was anything to go by, I’m sure a collective groan went up from most people when news of the new anti-graft initiative being set up by the ANC national executive committee, at the behest of CR, was made public. Who will watch the watchers, I thought.
Nonetheless, kudos to the president for disarming the enemies in his own ranks by offering to appear to be quizzed by the integrity commission. It will be interesting to see how many of them opt to follow suit.
It’s as Bob Dylan sang: To live outside the law you must be honest.