Johannesburg - I’m sitting a row behind swimming sensation Chad Le Clos and his family. We are in a darkened room in the Discovery offices in Sandton watching his never before seen documentary “Born Racer”.
Halfway through the film, Le Clos’s dad, Bert, bursts into tears. The movie is halfway through, just at the point when Le Clos beat US swim legend Michael Phelps at the London Olympics.
Bert cried then too. This time though he is joined by Le Clos and his brother, Jordan.
It’s always been an emotional moment for the family, this time though it seems even more special.
Afterwards, Le Clos admits it’s been seven years since he last watched the sensational swim.
“I avoided watching it all these years because of the difficulties I have faced. I just didn’t have it in me to watch it. Watching it today is a really big moment for me.”
For years, Le Clos avoided revisiting the golden moments in his swimming career due to his mental health struggles.
“It’s been such a journey,” says Le Clos, “of ups and downs; of sport and life, family and everything. It's emotional, man. I’m sitting here and I'm like wow, I'm actually drained from watching this film.
“I am watching my dad and seeing the tears in his eyes. You know how emotional he gets, but it's special to see every time.
“My brother, who almost never cries, is in tears. I’ve only ever seen him cry twice in my life, and he is super emotional today.”
But he’s happy that he is able to show the world his vulnerability. “Born Racer” is set to premiere on June 30 on Supersport. The documentary dives deep into the Durban-born swimmer's life, from his early beginnings in South Africa to his record-breaking performances on the world stage.
It is an honest chronicle of his life as a professional swimmer overcoming tremendous obstacles in his pursuit of excellence.
Deeply personal, the arc of the film traces Le Clos winning Olympic gold in London to the shattering disappointment of missing gold in Rio de Janeiro and Tokyo Olympics. In the process, Le Clos has to find out for himself what happiness – and its pursuit – actually means when he starts failing to win and the accolades and adulation dry up.
“Born Racer”, a joint venture between Le Clos and Cape Town studio Fell and Company, spends four years documenting the reality of life for an Olympic Champion; from the UK to Turkey, Australia to Germany the Middle East to Japan, through a global pandemic, multiple world sporting events and over 60 hours of family VHS footage.
It is an honest account that explores Clos’s past and his family’s humble roots while taking a close look at his battle with mental health.
“Previously, when I used to re-watch my race against Michael Phelps, it brought tears to my eyes,” says Le Clos. “That all stopped in 2016 after my performances at the Rio Olympics. That moment makes me more angry than sad.
“I felt like I had let the country down. I won two silver medals in Rio, and even though that’s not bad, I felt embarrassed and ashamed of how I had performed at the Olympics. From winning gold and beating a man that was unbeatable to now only winning silver destroyed me.”
In 2020, in Tokyo, Le Clos finished fifth in the 200m butterfly final and failed spectacularly in the men's 100m butterfly heats, ending his Olympic games in ignominy. It was the start of the worst time of his life.
“It was extremely tough. I hate being this person; it wasn't how I was raised. I’m not a victim of circumstance. From January 2021 till last year was possibly the worst time of my life. It was tough waking up; I was ashamed of and really embarrassed by the person I became.
“Maybe people couldn't see it because I was hiding it, and hiding it well. Whatever results I achieved in the pool in that time, I feel don't count because it was such a bad time in my life. Swimming became so secondary in my life because I was going through so much out of the pool.
“I just remember calling my ex-girlfriend from my hotel room and just crying for no reason,” he says.
“Suicide is not who I am as a person and I’d never do it, but there was a moment on November 10. It was cold in Eindhoven and I was just sad. I couldn’t even play PlayStation which is my favourite thing while in a Covid bubble.
“Then there was a moment when I was in the shower and I suddenly thought, ‘If I died it might not be the worst thing’.
“Then I was like, ‘Woah, no, no, no. This is not good’. That's when I realised, I was absolutely rock bottom. Absolutely rock bottom. From there I got help and I started speaking regularly to someone.”
His dad Bert had a tough time of it too, because Le Clos shut him out in his despair.
“I’m so upset because I didn’t listen to him. I should have listened to him. People don’t understand this. My dad likes to drink once a week. He has never gone without a drink for seven months, but he stopped drinking completely for a while, because it was such a bad time for me and my family.”
But it would be his dad, his family and his friends who would help find his purpose and his direction once more. He sought help, signed German legend Dirk Lange as his new coach and now he is preparing for the upcoming World Championships and next year’s Olympics in Paris.
“I feel like I have a long way to go but I'm excited and I am very happy where I am right now. I still have to make the jump to the next level; especially in the long course pool but in the short course pool, respectfully, nobody is better and they won’t beat me for a long time.”
In London, he was a 19-year-old underdog with a chance, this time the world has written him off. He is determined to shock the world and make a spectacular comeback.
“South Africa believes in me, but I’m telling you, the swimming world right now is laughing at me. They have written me off. I am done in the swimming world in their eyes, I know for a fact, I can see it.
“But come 2024, I plan to shock the world.”