BY SHARON GORDON
We’ve learnt a lot from the BDSM community in the past years. “Fifty Shades of Grey” was first published in 2011, and we learnt about pleasure contracts and all about aftercare. I’ve written about contracts for years, and I am happy to share the Lola Montez version with you, you can email me or go to www.lolamontez.co.za/resources.
BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism) is a consensual practice where individuals explore power dynamics and various forms of erotic play. While the intensity and excitement of BDSM can be exhilarating, it’s crucial to prioritise aftercare—the process of attending to each other’s emotional and physical needs post-play.
Understanding aftercare:
Aftercare is the period immediately following a BDSM or play session where your boundaries are tested. Aftercare is where participants engage in activities aimed at physical and emotional recovery. It’s a time to reaffirm trust, provide comfort and address any emotional or physical needs that may arise. Effective aftercare fosters emotional bonding and enhances the overall satisfaction of the experience.
Before delving into any BDSM play, establish open and honest communication with your partner. Discuss boundaries, safe words, preferences and expectations for aftercare. Understanding each other’s needs beforehand ensures a smoother transition into the aftercare phase.
Include aftercare in your pre-session planning. Discuss what type of aftercare activities you prefer, and allocate time accordingly. Having a plan in place reduces uncertainty and allows for a more focused and effective aftercare experience.
Designate a comfortable and safe environment for aftercare. This space should be free from distractions and conducive to relaxation and intimacy. Consider factors such as lighting, temperature and privacy to optimise the aftercare setting.
Attend to any physical needs or injuries that may have occurred during the session. Clean and dress wounds, apply soothing lotions or ointments and ensure adequate hydration and nourishment. Physical comfort is essential for promoting relaxation and healing.
Offer emotional support and reassurance to your partner during aftercare. Validate his/her feelings and experiences and encourage open dialogue about any emotional responses elicited by the play session. Remember there is no right or wrong here. Just listen and don’t make excuses. Providing a safe space for emotional expression fosters trust and intimacy.
Express affection and appreciation towards your partner through gestures of physical touch, words of affirmation and acts of kindness. Offer cuddling, hugs or gentle caresses to reinforce feelings of closeness and connection. Verbal affirmations can also reaffirm trust and strengthen emotional bonds.
Allow time for decompression after intense play scenes. Engage in calming activities such as deep breathing, meditation or listening to soothing music. Gradually transition from the heightened state of arousal to a state of relaxation and tranquillity.
Be fully present with your partner during aftercare. Focus your attention on your partner’s needs and responses. Avoid distractions or preoccupation with other matters. Active listening and empathetic engagement demonstrate your commitment to his/her well-being.
Respect each other’s boundaries and preferences during aftercare. Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues indicating comfort or discomfort. Adjust your approach accordingly.
Prioritise consent and mutual respect in all interactions.
Follow-up:
Check in with your partner after the initial aftercare period to assess their well-being and address any lingering concerns or needs. Offer ongoing support and communication, as needed, ensuring a smooth transition back to everyday life.
Aftercare is an integral part of the BDSM experience, promoting physical and emotional well-being while deepening the bond between participants.
By prioritising communication, planning and mutual care, individuals can navigate the aftercare process with sensitivity and attentiveness.
Remember, aftercare isn’t just about physical recovery—it’s about nurturing and sustaining the emotional connection forged during play.
We recommend that you implement these tips into every aspect of your relationship, not just after a play session. By embracing these essential tips, you can master the art of aftercare and enhance the overall satisfaction of your relationship.