#SexColumn: Make sure your hands and nails are clean when it comes to pleasuring your partner

'Make sure your hands and nails are cleaned and trimmed. Snags and dirt are not a girl’s best friend.’ PICTURE: Buhle Mbonambi

'Make sure your hands and nails are cleaned and trimmed. Snags and dirt are not a girl’s best friend.’ PICTURE: Buhle Mbonambi

Published Feb 9, 2024


Last week we gave pleasure to the penis and this week it’s the vulva’s turn.

Now for those of you who don’t know, the vulva is the outside part of the female genitalia and the vagina the inside bits that you can’t see with the naked eye.

Before we get to pleasure techniques for these bits, know that they are sensitive, can tear and shouldn’t have their PH messed with. And for heaven’s sake make sure your hands and nails are cleaned and trimmed. Snags and dirt are not a girl’s best friend.

Everyone has their favourite favourite, so figure out what yours is and communicate it.

I’m always frustrated that partners tend to go straight for the thrust when really all many of us need is a bit of stroking and petting.

Get your hands out the cookie jar and ask permission first. It’s only polite. Infinity will take you beyond. The infinity sign is a figure of 8 and is your best friend. Make the sign with lubed up fingers over the clitoral and vulva area. No penetration required.

Alternate pressure and speed building tension and pleasure. Go higher and lower to figure out where the pleasure points are.

In many cases directly on the clitoris is too sensitive and not pleasurable at all, but if you moved one finger width to the right – well then…

The whirlwind – The giver uses their fingers to stroke the clitoris and surrounds in a circular motion. Start slow, making the circle smaller while increasing in speed and pressure. This technique gives intense clitoral pleasure.

Again, no penetration is required.

The blossom – In this position the receiver sits on the edge of the bed, chair or counter with their legs crossed. The giver uses their fingers to stimulate the clitoral area and vagina opening. If the receiver is ready, a bit of penetration is possible.

Deep penetration is also possible while still having access to the clitoris.

Blossoms need Butterflies to pollinate so let’s use nature to expand pleasure. In the same position the giver makes butterfly wing flapping motions around the clitoris, labia and vagina entrance. This activity has the added advantage of getting blood to flow to the area which in turn increases sensitivity and pleasure.

Have you ever had a thumb wrestling competition?

The Thumb Wrestle technique requires the giver to use their exercised thumb to apply pressure to the clitoris while using their fingers to massage and stimulate the vagina entrance and eventually the G-Spot. Adjust pressure and intensity as necessary. Direct clitoral stimulation may be called for. Remember to ask for feedback.

Become a G-Spot Champion with the come-hither motion. You’ve all called someone with your fingers. This is the motion you will be using in the vagina towards the G-Spot (belly button side of the body) This Come-Hither G Spot Pleaser strokes the front wall of the vagina. Don’t stick to one spot.

Try a rhythmic pattern but be consistent. We don’t want whiplash as you change speed and direction. You can also try and be Double Trouble. A finger or two inside the vagina and a finger outside near the clitoris.

Using a scissor motion can provide stimulation to the G-Spot and clitoris at the same time. Speed and pressure can be adjusted but start slow and then increase the intensity.

Snuggle Trouble requires you to both lie on your sides, facing the same way with the giver behind the receiver. The giver has an additional advantage to whisper instructions. Fingers are used to stimulate and penetrate from the front or behind. Easy access from both sides.

If you are lacking in confidence, I’ve seen these techniques practised on a variety of fruit, it even looks sexy and there is nothing to stop you from licking and eating as required.

You’ll thank me later – so please follow us on all or even just one of our social media channels please.

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